(I work in a watch repair shop and one of the services we perform is re-setting a customer’s watch when the time changes, which we do for free. Some digital watches are difficult to set the time on. An older man with an Irish accent comes up to my counter.)

Customer: “Pardon me, could you set my watch for me? I can’t figure out how to set it back an hour.”

Me: *smiling* “No problem. These things can be pretty tricky to set.”

(I proceed to set his digital watch to the correct time in about a minute and hand it back to him.)

Me: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “You did that fast! What do I owe you?”

Me: “Oh, there’s no charge for that.”

Customer: “Really? No, I can’t go away without giving you something.”

(He proceeds to pull a $5 bill out of his wallet and hand it to me.)

Me: “Really, sir, you don’t have to do that, and there’s no charge. It was my pleasure.”

Customer: “Well, you’ve been so nice and did that so fast, stop by the pub on your way home and have yourself a drink! You deserve it!”

(He waves as he walks away. And yes, I did have that drink!)

(I’ve gone to lunch break about an hour before. A kid is with his mom in the store. I tend to make a note of everyone I see in the store, and greet them as I pass, just out of habit. After lunch, the kid comes up to me.)

Kid: “Where’s your bathroom?”

(I look around and find his mother is not with him, or anywhere in sight. Seeing as I can’t make him wait, I decide to take him.)

Me: “Follow me, please…”

(On the way I keep an eye out for the mother, but I don’t find her. When we reach the bathroom, I stand outside the door so I can make sure he’s okay. Just as he is finishing up, his mother finally shows up and looks frantic.)

Mother: “Is my son in there?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. He’ll be out in just a moment.”

(At this point the kid runs out and hugs his mother.)

Mother: *to child* “I’m going to tie you up from now on. You gave me a heart attack!” *to me* “Thank you so much.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. I’m glad I could help. Have a nice day and thank you for shopping at [store]!”

(Note: I am the shift supervisor. We’re very busy, and I’m on my way to help a customer find something when one of my coworkers stops me.)

Coworker: “[My name], how long can we hold things for customers?”

Me: “We can probably hold that until the end of the day tomorrow.”

Customer #1: “I need you to hold this until Monday.” (Note: it’s currently Friday.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t do that. Store policy is that we can only hold things until the end of business on the same day, so I’m already bending the rules by holding it for an extra day.”

Customer #1: “But I need you to hold it until Monday! You’re having a big sale starting Monday, and I want this at the sale price!”

Me: “Again, I’m very sorry, ma’am, but I simply can’t hold it that long.”

Customer #1: “That’s terrible! You should hold it for me!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I really can’t. Excuse me, please; I need to go help this woman who has been patiently waiting for me.” *to Customer #2* “What can I help you with?”

(As Customer #2 and I start walking away, she speaks to me.)

Customer #2: “Man, what a b**** that woman was!”

Me: *stifling a laugh* “I would never say that.”

Customer #2: “Well, I’m another customer, so I can say it!”

(I am an owner of a hookah smoking lounge near a college campus. A group of three underage-looking young people comes in and tries to purchase a smoking session.)

Me: “Okay guys, can I see your IDs?”

Customer #1: “We don’t have IDs. We don’t need ’em!”

Me: “Sorry, but you don’t look over 40, so I have to ask.”

(Customers #2 and #3 pull out their ID cards, and even though they look young, they’re over 18. I let them complete the purchase, but the other customer still refuses to show ID.)

Customer #1: “I’m with them. I’ll use their ID.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it doesn’t work like that. Since you refuse to show me ID, I have to refuse you service. Your friends may stay, since they showed ID. Have a nice day. Please leave.”

(As I have been processing their order, a rush of customers have come in and I think I see Customer #1 leave. As I take an order to another group, I see Customer #1 sitting with his friends. I walk up to them.)

Me: “I thought I told you to leave.”

Customer #1: “What are you going to do, call the police?”

(I pull out a badge out of my pocket, since I am also a reserve deputy sheriff on my days off.)

Me: “No need, I’m already here. Now stand up. We’re going to the back.”

(I didn’t bother with filing charges on him, but I did call his parents who were very angry. In fact, I found out his father was a city police officer himself!)

(I’m looking after my friend’s little girl so she can have a day to herself and relax. As we are in town, I go into work so I can check when I’m next working, then have a drink. The girl sees a kid she goes to nursery with. So, I let her go say hello, whilst keeping an eye on her of course. Next thing I know, my friend’s girl is by my side crying.)

Girl: *points to a random older woman* “That woman said you’re going to leave me.”

Me: “What have you been saying to my kid?”

Woman: “Only the truth. All you young guys are the same. You all leave when you’ve—”

Me: “Okay, you can shut it right there. Now she may not be mine biologically, but I love her like she was my own flesh and blood. More then you could ever imagine. And like h*** am I going to let some insignificant low life like you poison her mind to think otherwise, do you understand me?”

Woman: *stares back in shock*

Me: “I said do you understand me?”

Woman: “Y-yes.”

(Next, I turn to the little girl, who I’ve picked up by now.)

Me: “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Now, who’s my little bumble?”

Girl: “I am. Love you Uncle!” *kisses me on the cheek*