He Isn’t Leaving, But She Had Better

(I’m looking after my friend’s little girl so she can have a day to herself and relax. As we are in town, I go into work so I can check when I’m next working, then have a drink. The girl sees a kid she goes to nursery with. So, I let her go say hello, whilst keeping an eye on her of course. Next thing I know, my friend’s girl is by my side crying.)

Girl: *points to a random older woman* “That woman said you’re going to leave me.”

Me: “What have you been saying to my kid?”

Woman: “Only the truth. All you young guys are the same. You all leave when you’ve—”

Me: “Okay, you can shut it right there. Now she may not be mine biologically, but I love her like she was my own flesh and blood. More then you could ever imagine. And like h*** am I going to let some insignificant low life like you poison her mind to think otherwise, do you understand me?”

Woman: *stares back in shock*

Me: “I said do you understand me?”

Woman: “Y-yes.”

(Next, I turn to the little girl, who I’ve picked up by now.)

Me: “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Now, who’s my little bumble?”

Girl: “I am. Love you Uncle!” *kisses me on the cheek*