(A man comes shopping with his adorable five year old daughter, and this happens as I’m serving him. Note: For those who don’t know, “cheerios” is a common name for cocktail frankfurts, which kids love.)

Customer: “I’ll have 250g of that ham, please.”

(The whole time I’m weighing and wrapping, his daughter is trying to get his attention.)

Daughter: “Daaad. Dad. Cheerios, dad. Daaaaad…”

Me: *hands over item* “Anything else?”

Daughter: “Cheerios?”

Customer: *smiling but still ignoring her* “Also a half kilo of chicken thighs.”

Daughter: *hands on hips, looking at her father, but it was clear that she wanted me to hear her words* “Daddy, did you say CHEERIOS?”

Me: *as I weigh and wrap* “She has the most adorable little attitude. Anything else?”

Customer: “And a half kilo of cheerios… I’m going to have to watch out for her when she’s older, she’s too cute to say no to!”

Me: “I think she knows it, too!”

(The girl took the cheerios from me with a smug grin.)

(I’m working registers at the moment which also means I’m in charge of answering the phones; I’m certified throughout the store, so usually I don’t even have to transfer the call. Note, we are a just a pet store, not a specialty vet. This transpires one day:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I think my hamster might be injured. My son put him in a hamster ball, and then the ball slipped and hit the floor. The hamster just kinda stayed in one position for a minute or two, like he was dead and didn’t look like he was breathing. Then we flipped him over and he moved a little bit so we can see he’s breathing, but he hasn’t moved since. What would you do?”

Me: “Well, if I was in your position, I’d bring him straight to the vet; we use [Local Vet] because they specialize in small animals.”

Caller: “Sooo… do I bring him, or do you?”

Me: “You would take him.”

(The customer still didn’t seem all that concerned that her son may have caused a serious injury to his pet.)

This story is part of our Hamsters Roundup!

Read the next Hamster Roundup story!

Read the Hamsters Roundup!

(The client made a mistake in an application form and now has to send an email asking the service to cancel it.)

Me: “Okay, now you have to send an email to cancel the document. Here is the email address: d-i-s…”

Client: “How do I put the point on the ‘I’?”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Client: “How do I put the point on the ‘I’? You know, the dot over the letter ‘I’?”

Me: “Huh?”

Client: “So?”

Me: “The computer automatically puts the dot over the letter, you don’t have to do anything.”

Client: “Wow, technology is so great today. Before, you had to manually put dots on I’s and cross your T’s too!”

(I’m working the register at a sandwich shop.)

Customer: *completely earnest* “I have a question about your cookies. I see here there are some labeled “White Chip Macadamia Nut.” Does that mean there are white chocolate chips and macadamia nuts?”

Me: “I… uh… yes.”

Customer: “So then I can’t give them to my son with a nut allergy, right?”

Me: “That would be a bad idea, yes.”

Customer: “All right, let me have one of those for me and one chocolate chip for my son.”

Me: “I don’t think that would be a good idea, ma’am.”

Customer: *getting irritated* “Well, why not? Do the chocolate chip cookies have nuts in them?”

Me: “Well, no, but they do come into contact with nuts in several places. Like when we’re baking them, or when we use the same tongs to grab them. Or the display case in front of you where the chocolate chip cookies are touching the macadamia nut cookies…”

Customer: “Fine, then, I won’t get him any cookies. Just give me my sandwiches and two small drinks.”

Me: “Uh… I’m afraid I can’t do that either.”

Customer: “Why the h*** not? I paid you didn’t I?!”

Me: “Um… you haven’t ordered a sandwich yet.”

(Luckily my manager came back from break and we were able to sort everything out before it escalated.)

(Due to my extreme social awkwardness, I am the bad customer in this story! I work in a call centre and am mentally programmed to use a certain phone manner. On this day, I am wandering along my local shopping strip when I decide I want to get my nose pierced. I walk into a tattoo parlour.)

Me: “Hi! I’m looking to get my nose pierced.”

Tattooist: “Oh, our piercer isn’t at work today, but she’ll be back tomorrow.”

Me: “Oh, that’s okay. Today is my only day off, but thank you for your help.”

(I walk outside and search for piercers on my smartphone. A location nearby shows up, and I call the number.)

Me: “Hi! I’m looking to make an appointment to get my nose pierced.”

Voice On The Phone: “Uh… our piercer isn’t working today.”

(I suddenly realise I’ve called the exact same shop I had just been into, and am now standing outside of in full view. I am so embarrassed that I panic and forget what to say.)

Me: “Oh… uh… thank you for calling! Goodbye!”

(I abruptly ended the call and turned to walk away, but accidentally made prolonged, awkward eye contact with the tattooist through the shop window before I finally left. At least I might have given him something to laugh about!)