(I am about 5 years old and have recently started school.)
Me: “There’s a sign in the school toilets that says ‘wash hands after use’.”
(I pronounce ‘use’ the wrong way.)
Mum: “No, in that sentence you would say use.” *pronouncing it the correct way*
Me: “No, Mummy. It’s been a long time since you were at school, and you’re bound to have forgotten some things.”
(My mother is the sweetest person you will ever meet, and is quite demure most of the time. My brother and I love making things into jokes, and at this point in time we’re into ‘That’s what she said jokes’.)
Mum: *trying to put a roast into the oven* “It’s really big! I don’t think it’s going to fit!”
Brother and me: “That’s what she said!”
Mum: “Who is this ‘she’, and why did she say it?”
(My brother launches into the explanation of the joke, and my mother looks quite shocked. Four hours later…)
Me: *complaining about an assignment* ‘It’s so long, and it’s going to take forever to do!”
Mum: *from two rooms away, screaming excitedly* “THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!”
(I am almost 3 years old, and have become very upset that my mom won’t buy me a toy.)
Me: “But mommy! Please!”
Mom: “No.”
(I throw myself to the ground, kicking and crying.)
Mom: “Ha!”
(She throws herself to the ground, kicking and crying.)
Me: *I stop and sit up* “Ha ha, mommy. You look funny.”
Mom: “Oh, yeah? That’s what everyone in this mall thinks of you.”
(I never had another temper tantrum again.)
(I am playing a video game. My mom is watching over my shoulder.)
Me: “Mom, keep an eye out for enemies.”
Mom: “Wait! Stop! What’s that jumping thing?”
Me: *thinking she saw an enemy* “What? Where?”
Mom: “That thing jumping in the middle of the screen!”
(I am continuing to run down the passage, doing flips as I go.)
Mom: “Look! Now it did a flip!”
Me: “Mom? That’s me.”
Mom: “Oh! But it looks nothing like you!”
(On my mom’s birthday, my sister and I spend the day buttering her up with compliments about how ageless and young she is. We also are pretty silly, including sending her a text with the lyrics to the Beatles song “Happy Birthday.” In the evening, she’s telling my dad about the wonderful day she’s been having.)
Mom: “Oh, and you won’t believe what [My Name] texted me at lunch.”
Dad: “What?”
Me: “Think Beatles, Dad.”
Mom: “You know, something appropriate for today?”
Dad: *after pondering for a moment* “’When I Get Older’? ‘When I Turn 64’?”
This story is part of our Beatles roundup!
