(I finally show my mom ‘Monty Python’s Holy Grail’. She seems confused by the jokes, and really didn’t like the movie at all. I am disappointed, but don’t think much of it because I know it isn’t her kind of humor. It is about a week later, and we’re driving on the freeway.)

Mom: *out of nowhere* “Ni!”

Me: *not paying attention* “Excuse me?”

Mom: “NI!”

Me: *thinking I must have misheard her* “Did…did you just say ‘Ni’?”

Mom: *proudly* “Yes! I saw a shrubbery! Right by the side of the road! So I say to you, NI!”

(I am playing a game with a little girl, when a five-year-old boy comes up to me with another game.)

Boy: “Will you play this with me?”

Me: “I’m playing this game with [Little Girl] right now, but as soon as I’m done I’ll play that one with you, okay?

Boy: “You’re pretty.”

Me: “Thanks, but you’re still going to have to wait until I’m done. Nice try, though.”

Boy: “Aw. That always works when Daddy says it!”

(We had a chat with his father about role-modelling healthy, non-manipulative behavior.)

(My mother has just been in hospital, and still has a drain for her wound. A nurse from the hospital comes daily to check the drain. and if and when appropriate, will remove it. My four-year-old daughter has been listening.)

Daughter: “Grandma, are they here to take your brain out now?”

(I am a college freshman.)

Me: “So, I joined the fencing team last week. It’s hard, but it’s a lot of fun.”

Mom: “Ooh, I fenced in college! I was never that good. Which weapon?”

Me: “I never knew that. Since I just came off the soccer season and I’m actually in shape, they put me in sabre. It’s fun!”

Mom: *mournfully* “My daughter is a barbarian. How inelegant.”

Dad: *beams* “That’s my little hack-n-slasher!”

(My parents are watching TV. My sisters and I – all of us in our teens – are in the room, but doing other things. An anti-smoking PSA comes on.)

Announcer: “…so talk to your kids about not smoking.”

Mom: *loudly* “Kids, don’t smoke!”

Us: *in chorus, without looking up* “Okay!”

Mom: “Glad that’s taken care of.”