(My Dad is trying to explain the football world cup to my sister.)

Dad: “…And Scotland haven’t qualified for the world cup for a very, very long time.”

Sister: “No, Scotland were in it this year right?”

Dad: “What?”

Sister: “Yeah, they got beaten by Luxembourg. And Wales lost to Uganda.”

Me: *looking up from my book* “You’re talking about the Quidditch world cup from the fourth Harry Potter book.”

Dad: “I’m not sure what’s worse, that she confused Harry Potter with real life or that you twigged that was what she’d done!”

This story is part of our Sisters’ Day roundup!

Read the next Sisters’ Day story here!

Read the Sisters’ Day roundup!

(I’ve recently moved in with my boyfriend, and my father has some concerns about my ability to take care of myself. We disagree on the urgency of my need to find employment for myself. My arguments include the fact that my boyfriend makes a very decent salary. I’m talking to my mother online about random topics.)

Me: “Urgh, I need to call Dad and remind him I’m alive. I don’t want to because he’s going to get on my case about getting a job.”

Mom: “Just tell him you don’t need a job because you found yourself a Sugar Daddy.”

(My parents, my 5-year old sister and I are watching the Stephen King movie “Sometimes They Come Back.” In one scene in the movie, some of the characters appear with their faces badly burned following a car accident.)

Me: *to my sister* “Don’t worry, they are just wearing masks to look like that.”

Mom: *turning to face me, wide-eyed* “Really?!”

(Most of my family has the weird ability to repeat lines from any movie or TV show we’ve ever watched verbatim. My sister’s new boyfriend has just come over for the first time to meet the family, and is being super polite and complimenting everything. My family is not as nice.)

Sister’s boyfriend: “[Sister’s name] is amazing. You’ve really raised a wonderful woman.”

Dad: “WOMAN, WO-MAN, WOOOOAH-MAN!”

Me, mom, and both sisters: “She was a thief!”

Mom: “You’ve gotta believe!”

Younger sister: “She stole my heart and my cat!”

Older sister: “Can I ask you a question? Do you actually like haggis?”

Me: “No, I think it’s repulsive in every way. In fact I think most Scottish food is based on a dare.”

(At this point, everyone at the table except my sister’s boyfriend are laughing hysterically. Just as we begin to calm down, he pipes up.)

Sister’s boyfriend: “Wow, I’ve never heard anyone quote So I Married An Axe Murderer in harmony before. That was pretty cool!”

(When my sister and her boyfriend got married a year later, part of his vows were ‘I promise to love your crazy axe-murdering family’.)

(It’s 6:30 am. My parents and I are sitting in the living room, procrastinating getting ready for the day.)

Mom: “Every night I go to bed early, thinking I’ll have so much energy the next day. Then at 5 o’clock in the morning, ‘Bing!’ I’m awake! It’s like my brain won’t turn off! I’m sleeping, then ‘Bing!’ I’m thinking about outside projects or school or kids.”

Dad: *to me* “When Mom wakes up, she goes ‘Bing!’, but when I wake up, I go ‘Google!’”

Mom: *sighs and shakes her head* “That was horrible!”

Me: *cracking up* “Are you kidding?! That just made my day!”