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The Boy Wailed When He Saw The Orca

, , , , | Right | March 26, 2011

(A young boy approaches the counter.)

Boy: “Do you have any blow-up sharks? I want to scare my friends at day camp.”

(I look through our blow up water toys. I find one, but in order to get to it I have to take several packages off the hook. In doing so, the boy sees the blow-up toy in front of the one I am aiming for. He looks at me, dumbfounded.)

Boy: “THAT is not a shark. THAT is an orca.”

Me: “I was aiming to get the toy behind it, and–”

Boy: *holds up his hands* “Never mind!” *storms off*

Definitely Not In Pittsburgh

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2011

(A customer comes up to me while I’m stocking the shelves. She looks distraught.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I assist you in anything?”

Customer: “Yeah. My friend said he needs some more cheeseheads at his Super Bowl party. I can’t seem to find them. I found Cheese-Its, Cheese-Nips, but no heads. Where are they?”

Me: “Cheeseheads, right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a nickname for Green Bay Packers fans.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, where can I find those?”

A Hole In Your Thinking, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2011

Customer: “I’d like Swiss cheese, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We only carry American, Pepperjack, Cheddar, and a shredded Cheddar.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take Provolone then.”

Me: “Sir, I just told you. We only carry American, Pepperjack, Cheddar, and a shredded Cheddar. It is on the sign right here.”

Customer: “Then I’ll have Swiss.”

Me: “I think we have some in back. One moment.”

(My manager takes the American cheese into the back room. He cuts holes in a few of the slices, and brings them back out.)

Me: “Here you are. Swiss cheese.”

Customer: “I knew you guys always hid some in the back!”


This story is part of our Bad-Listener Customers roundup!

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(Stereo)Typing With A Laptop

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2011

Customer: “I need to know how to lock my laptop. I picked it up the other day, and there were all these adult sites in the history! My son is seventeen. I told him to stop using it, but you know how they are at that age!”

(I chuckle in agreement.)

Customer: “Wait, how old are you?”

Me: “Well, I’m just a couple years older myself.”

Customer: “Well, you know what I mean!”

This Refund Is Cut And Dried

, , , , , , | Right | March 25, 2011

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like to return these flowers.”

Me: “Oh. Well, usually we don’t issue refunds for flowers. Can I ask what the problem is?”

Customer: “She said no.”

Me: “Let’s get you that refund.”


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