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All of our stories, starting with the newest!

You’re Watching The Braille Channel

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2011

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “The problem is you sent me a blind person’s television!”

Me: “Pardon me, sir?”

Customer: “You heard me! A television you sell to blind people!”

Me: “I am sorry, nothing like that exists. Are you sure the TV is not just faulty?”

Customer: “I don’t care what’s wrong with it! All I know is I am not blind!”

How You Know You’ve Been Working Too Long

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2011

(The customer is apparently employed at another branch of the same fast-food chain.)

Customer: “I’d like a [burger] meal with lemonade, please.”

Me: “That’s one [burger] meal with lemonade?”

Customer: “Would you like to go large with that?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Oh! I mean, yes. Thank you.”

Ink Isn’t The Only Thing Running Low

, , | Right | March 16, 2011

Customer: “Whenever I try to print my statement from your website, it always comes out really light. I don’t have this problem with other websites. Are you guys out of ink?”

Me: “No. Are you using your home computer?”

Customer: “Yes. I already called the ink cartridge company. They said it’s not their fault.”

Me: “Well, if you’re trying to print at home, it’s a problem with your home computer. Our printers are working just fine.”

Customer: “So, you’re not out of ink?”

Me: “No. Maybe you should have someone look at your computer’s settings.”

Customer: “Should I call the ink cartridge company again?”

Me: “I don’t think that will fix it.”

Customer: “Okay. I’ll call the ink cartridge company again. Thanks! Bye!”

Stalking Is A Matter Of Wife And Death

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2011

(I am working the register. An old woman walks up to me looking very flustered.)

Customer: “Sir, would you please call security. There’s a man following me.”

(I hear the voice of a child that is so small that I can’t see him over the counter.)

Child: “Grandma, that’s Grandpa!”

Clap-top Repair

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2011

Customer: “I can’t get the microphone on my laptop to work. Do you think you could help?”

Me: “What were you trying to do with it?”

Customer: “I can’t get it to hear what I’m saying.”

Me: “That’s pretty common. The settings are probably a little off. Let me take a look.”

(I boot the computer. After switching a few settings, I get the microphone to work.)

Me: “There, you should be all set. The settings were just wrong. You should be fine now.”

(I clap into the microphone so she can see the soundbars going up and down. She thinks I am clapping in celebration of her now fixed computer. She begins to clap rapidly along with me.)

Customer: *clapping* “Yay! This is the best day ever!”