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Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer, Part 2

, | Right | October 16, 2011

Me: “Your total will be [total price].”

Customer: “That seems a little high. Were the Imaginext items buy one, get one free?”

(I check the items and see if they’re scanning correctly in the register.)

Me: “Yes, they are, but you have 3 Imaginext items and one non-Imaginext item, so that won’t ring up on sale.”

Customer: “Well, they’re all in the same aisle!”

Me: “Well, yes, but just because one item is on sale doesn’t mean everything in the aisle is on sale as well.”

Customer: “Well, you should put that on your signs!”

 

Ice And A Side Of Chill Pill

, | Right | October 16, 2011

(Note: I am working in a drive thru.)

Me: “Hello, can I take your order?”

(I hear the customer sigh. They then carry on talking to a friend.)

Me: “Hello, can I take an order please?”

Customer: “God! One minute please! Can’t a person just have some peace without being pestered for money?”

Me: “Um, sir, you’ve driven up to the drive thru speaker. I assumed you’d wish to order. If not, you should have gone into the car park.”

Customer: “You’re being extremely rude. And how did you know I was a man?”

Me: “There is a camera facing you, sir. I didn’t mean to come across as rude, but you are causing a queue, so if you do not plan to order, please leave the queue.”

Customer: *sigh* “Fine.”

(He gives an incredibly long order, with special requests. I read the order back to him to verify that it is correct.)

Me: “Okay, if that order is complete, check the screen and come to the window.”

Customer: “God, what took you so long?! *throws change on the counter and drives off*

(Ten minutes later, he comes back.)

Customer: “I am not happy!”

Me: “What’s the problem with your order, si–”

Customer: “I specifically asked for coke with no ice, and you put it in wrong! Guess what? There’s ice in my coke!”

Me: “Sir, I read the order back to you twice and then asked you to check the screen to ensure it was correct.”

Customer: “Well you serve people everyday. You should have been able to guess from experience that I didn’t want ice. My demeanor made it very obvious!”

I Love You Just The Way You (And Your Rear) Are

| Romantic | October 15, 2011

Boyfriend: “I’m going to start working out again, I want to lose a little weight.”

Me: “Me too! Maybe we should start running or biking together?”

Boyfriend: “If you lose that ass, I’m breaking up with you.”

Me: “…what?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I like them big!”

Half Dumb And Half Stupid

| Right | October 15, 2011

Customer: “It’s my birthday tomorrow and I want to have some chicken delivered. I want 50 pieces of chicken, half baked chicken and half fried chicken.”

Me: “Okay, so, you want 25 pieces of baked chicken and 25 pieces of fried chicken?”

Customer: “No, I want half baked and half fried.”

Me: “Well, half of 50 is 25. So, you want 25 baked and 25 fried?”

Customer: “No! I want 12 pieces of baked chicken and the rest fried chicken!”

Mental Impurities

| Right | October 15, 2011

(I am talking to a customer about various options for earrings.)

Customer: “Can I see your 25 carat gold earrings?”

(I go and fetch the earrings from the back.)

Customer: “These are definitely made of gold? There’s no nickel in them?”

Me: “No, there’s no nickel. Are you allergic?”

Customer: “No, I just don’t want to get HIV.”