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Popcon

, , , , , | Right | October 17, 2010

(A customer walks up, holding a large red bag of popcorn to be refilled.)

Customer: “Hi, could I please get a refill?”

Me: “Did you buy this popcorn today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Oh, that’s weird, because we stopped selling these popcorn bags a month ago. We have black bags now.”

Customer: “Oh…”


This story is part of the Thieves Getting Caught roundup!

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This Child Has Few Reservations

, , , , | Right | October 16, 2010

Child: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”

Me: “What is it?”

Child: “Do you believe in Native Americans?”

Me: *slight pause* “Yes. Yes, I do.”

Child: “That’s good to know.”


This story is part of our Native-American roundup.

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Very Low Key Driver

, , | Right | October 16, 2010

Caller: “Hi, I need help to open my car. The beeper doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, have you tried to see if the keys work?”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The car keys. They’re attached to the beeper.”

Caller: “Uh… how do I use them?”

Me: “Just like you would unlock anything that’s closed.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. I need to open the door to my car. How do I use keys to do that?”

Me: “You, uh… put the key in the keyhole, turn it around, and open the door.”

Caller: *pause* “Oh! Do you mean like the same way you open the door to a house?”

Me: “Yes, it’s quite similar to that.”

Caller: *very enthusiastic* “Wow, okay! I’ll try that! If that doesn’t work, I’ll call right back!”


This story is part of the More-Extra-Stupid-Customers roundup!

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General Knowledge Generally Gets You In Trouble

, , , , , | Right | October 15, 2010

Customer: “Hello, do you work here?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I don’t.”

Customer: “Then why do you have so many books in your hands?”

Me: “I am about to purchase them.”

Customer: “You read?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Then you must work here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

Customer: *picking up one of the books in my arms* “J.D. Salinger? Who’s that?”

Me: “An author. He wrote Catcher in the Rye.”

Customer: “See! You do work here! You know what books he wrote!”


This story is part of the “What Are They Teaching In School These Days?!” roundup!

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Policemen Never Take Sabbath-icals

, , , , , | Legal Right | October 15, 2010

(I pull a man over who is speeding and weaving between cars on the highway.)

Driver: “Are you off-duty? You can’t do traffic stops if you are off-duty.”

Me: “No, sir. See my uniform and marked vehicle?” *I point to my car with full lights on top and ‘police’ written all over it*

Driver: “They make you work on Sunday?”

Me: “Yes, sir. We are 24/7.”

Driver: “But who would commit a crime on a Sunday? That is blasphemy. They’ll go to Hell!”


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