Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: *happy* “Hi there! Ugh, I ended up ordering the wrong thing online. Silly me; should have been paying more attention. Can I return this?”

Me: “Yah! Sure, no problem. Can I get the order number from you?”

Customer: “Of course!” *reads it off*

Me: “Perfect. Just one second. I’m sorry; my system shut off on me. We have an online return option. Would you like me to walk you through the steps? It’s really simple. If not just give me. like. 60 seconds to bring my system back up and I would be more than happy to do the return for you.”

Customer: “YOU WANT ME TO DO IT ONLINE?! YOU DON’T WANT TO HELP?! FINE!” *hangs-up*

Caller: “I wondered if I need to dial the parenthesis around the area code when I make a phone call?”

Me: *after paused mute to control my laughing* “Ma’am, if you can find those buttons on your phone go right ahead and push them!”

(My husband and I are talking with our roommate and close friend about going on a trip to Europe after my husband gets out of the army.)

Husband: “We should totally just backpack everywhere.”

Me: “I don’t think I could walk across all the countries.”

Roommate: “…hitchhiking. You’re thinking of hitchhiking. Not good hitchhiking, either.”

Me: “Oh!”

(I am in the fifth grade and have just moved from rural Indiana to the LA area. We are doing standardized tests and at the portion where they ask your ethnicity. My teacher is Hispanic.)

Teacher: “[My Name] what are you doing? You can’t put that.”

Me: “I can’t put what?”

Teacher: “You put that you’re Hispanic. You can’t put that; you’re white.”

Me: “No, I’m not. I’m Mexican. I’ve always put that I’m Hispanic.”

(My father is Caucasian and I have an English last name, but my mother is Mexican born in Mexico along with the past dozen or so generations of her family. As such, I identify as Hispanic even though I pass for Caucasian. I explain this to my teacher. He doesn’t seem convinced.)

Teacher: “Fine, but at least put white, too. You’re too white to be Mexican.”

(My boyfriend and I are at our separate families’ homes for winter break from college, and I have a habit of messing up his freshly made bed whenever I can.)

Me: “So when I come over on Saturday, I’m totally gonna mess up your bed!”

Boyfriend: “Well, what if I mess it up ahead of time, hmm?”

Me: “Then I will make it, and then mess it up!”

Boyfriend: *laughs* “Okay, what about if my comforter isn’t there?”

Me: “Then I will find one, make your bed with it, and then mess it up!”

Boyfriend: “What if I remove every comforter from this house?”

Me: “Then I will lie you down on the bed, lie beside you, state that we are comfy so we are the new comforter, and then mess it up by rolling on top of you!”