Making Them See In New Directions

(I work in the information centre of a shopping centre. A colleague next to me has been on a call while I’m assisting shoppers. After they leave, my colleague hands the phone over to me saying the caller needs directions.)

Me: “Hello? I believe you’re looking for directions to [Shopping Centre]?”

Caller: “Yes. That other girl is useless.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Are you local?”

Caller: “Umm, yes. I think so.”

Me: “Can you give me a vague description of where you are?”

Caller: “That’s what the other girl asked for! Why are you wanting to know where I am?”

Me: “I can’t give you directions unless I know where to start from.”

Caller: “No. You cannot know where I am. Just give me directions and stay out of my personal life!”

Me: “Can I ask if you know where [Restaurant in City Centre] is?”

Caller: “Yes?”

Me: “Would you mind giving me directions?”

Caller: “Umm, sure. You’re at [Shopping Centre]. Where is that?”

Me: “Why do you need to know? Just give me directions.”

Caller: “How else am I meant to get you there?”

Me: “Just give me the directions.”

Caller: “But, Jesus f****** Christ! How can I give you directions if…” *hangs up*

Colleague: “Doesn’t sound like you were able to help him, either.”

Me: “Oh, I helped him. He may never get here, but I certainly helped him.”