Looking For Someone To Help, 18+

(An older customer enters the shop. He’s from somewhere in the Balkans and doesn’t speak German very well. Usually he just walks past our counter to enter the 18+ section, for which we have to ID people. This time, however, he stops in front of the counter and pulls a sheet of paper out of his jacket. It’s a letter from the town council that says he has been approved to employ somebody to help him in his home. He points towards the part where he’s circled the salary.)

Customer: “Look, here.”

Me: *glancing at the letter* “Umm, what about it?” *wondering if he needs something explained*

Customer: *looks at me expectantly*

Me: “I’m not sure what you want me to do.”

Customer: “Would you do that?”

Me: “Are you asking me if I would work for you?”

Customer: *nods*

Me: *taken aback* “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I have a full-time job here that I really like, and I’m not looking for anything else. Besides, I’m not even qualified. I think you have to go to the job-center or one of the social services agencies.”

Customer: “But you did… social?”

Me: “No, I didn’t. Ever.”

(I have a former coworker who was in training as a child-care worker, with whom he has probably confused me, but I’m not in the mood to point that out.)

Customer: “But you could still…”

Me: “No. I’m neither qualified nor interested. I can’t help you with that.”

Customer: *looks crestfallen and shuffles towards the 18+ section*

(I don’t know what’s worse: That he just asked a random person without proper qualification to work for him and take care of him, or that he actually expected me to knowingly work for a horny old man who reeks of baby powder and watches p*rn regularly.)