Knowing Is Half The Battle But This Guy Knows Nothing

I work in a library. A father comes in with his pre-teen son, asking about our history section. The son is browsing books and the father comes up to me.

Father: “My son has a project due about great American battles. He’s not allowed to use the Internet; he has to use books and libraries.”

Me: “Well, we appreciate that! What battle did he need to research?”

Father: “One from the war.”

Me: “Which war?”

Father: “The War.”

Me: “Some people refer to World War Two when they say ‘The War’. Is that what you meant?”

Father: “There was more than one?”

Me: “Uh… yes.” *Swiftly moving on* “Did you know what battle you wanted to cover, or shall I make some recommendations?”

Father: “Oh, give us a good one.”

Me: “Well… I’m not sure I would classify any battle as ‘good,’ but I can recommend some where the United States were the victors.”

Father: *Scoffs* “Yeah, like all of them.”

Me: “Not entirely true, sir. The United States suffered quite a few military losses in World War Two.”

Father: “Not true!”

Me: “I’m afraid so. There was the battle of the Kasserine Pass, numerous battles in the Pacific region with the Japanese, not to mention Pearl Harbor—”

Father: “But… America won in Pearl Harbor!”

Me: “I can absolutely assure you, sir, that the United States lost spectacularly in that battle.”

Father: “Bulls***! America has never lost a battle in history! We’re undefeated!”

Before I can respond, the father’s son comes up with a book he has chosen by himself.

Son: “Come on, Dad. I want this one.”

He has selected a book on the Vietnam War — so I guess the assignment wasn’t specific to World War Two.

Father: “Good! Another war that we won!”

They borrow the book and head out, and I then relay the encounter to a coworker.

Me: “I want to be there when he finds out about Vietnam.”

Coworker: “Don’t bother. When they’ve been exposed to that much ‘copium’ in their life, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought Vietnam surrendered after one day and it’s now a State.”

Me: “That’s an awfully specific turn of events.”

Coworker: “Sadly talking from experience over here.”