Getting Him To Understand Is Like Pulling His Own Tooth

Six months after I have a tooth break at the outset of the global health crisis, I am finally able to get to a dentist.

It is a new dentist for me because I wasn’t impressed with my previous one. As such, I go on their website and find that you can make an account, set your own appointment, and fill out all the paperwork necessary before you even set foot in the building. It is all very easy and simple.

The morning of my appointment, I arrive at nine am, check in, and am able to find a seat in the full waiting room. They have spaced the chairs to allow for social distancing.

As I settle in, figuring it’ll be a few minutes before I’m called back, I notice the man who walked in before me is still standing at the reception desk, acting frustrated and annoyed.

Receptionist: “We can fit you in, but as you can see, we’re full today.”

Frustrated Patient: “You guys have my tooth. I already had to come here to get it fixed. It’s an implant.”

A few minutes pass with him pacing in front of the desk.

Receptionist: “We’re doing everything we can, but it’s kind of difficult when you show up for your appointment eight hours early. We can’t help that.”

Frustrated Patient: “I’m moving 2,000 miles away, leaving at noon. Why would I make an appointment for five pm?”

At this point, I’m hearing another voice from the reception desk, as well.

Dental Assistant: “Sir, you changed that appointment fifteen times.”

Frustrated Patient: “No, you guys must have changed it. Why would I make it for five pm if I’m going to be moving at noon?”

Another minute passes with him stalking back and forth.

Frustrated Patient: “All I want is for you to give me my tooth, and I’ll get it put in by someone else.”

Dental Assistant: “Okay, but you still owe an amount on that tooth and the previous appointment. Do you want to pay it now or do you want us to bill you?”

Frustrated Patient: “Send the bill to me.”

Dental Assistant: “Address?”

He then spits out an address in Colorado — we’re in Pennsylvania — and abruptly leaves. The office workers then all look incredulously at each other, shaking their heads, while I’m halfway laughing behind my mask at his antics.

Another assistant comes out and says my name, and I get ready to go into the office. While I’m passing the reception desk, one of the assistants there says:

Dental Assistant: “You know, we still have his tooth.”