Do As I Swear, Not As I Do

(I’m driving with my mother when someone cuts me off in traffic.)

Me: “Stupid a**hole!”

Mum: “[My Name], don’t swear! I raised you better than that!”

(Later on, she is telling me about driving with a friend of the family. Said friend is close to me in age and happens to be male.)

Mum: “So, someone cut [Friend] off, and he called the other driver a ‘dumb f****** dips***.’ Ha ha! He was mortified that he’d sworn in front of me, but I told him that I just thought it was funny.”

Me: “How come when I do it, it’s terrible, but when [Friend] does it, it’s funny?”

Mum: *pause* “Well, I’m not [Friend]’s mother, so it’s different.”

Me: “Would it still be ‘different’ if [Friend] was female?”

Mum: “Of course not! Women shouldn’t swear!”

Me: “Uh-huh...”