Your Shoes Suck!

(I’m a manager at a high-end shoe store. One of my employees comes and tells me a customer is chewing on the leather shoes. I come around the corner and, sure enough, the customer has one of the women’s display shoes in his mouth.)

Me: “Sir? Could you not chew on the shoes?”

Customer: “Oh, I’m not chewing on them; I’m sucking on them. Have to see what happens when they get wet.”

Me: “I’m going to have to ask you not to do that. We sell displays, and no one wants something that’s been in your mouth.”

(The customer wanders away, and then suddenly spits a huge mouthful of spit onto a pair of shoes.)

Me: “Sir! I’m going to have to ask you to leave!”

Customer: “I can’t believe I’m being treated this way! This is why you are losing business to the Internet!”

Employee: “You can’t suck on online shoes, either.”