(I’m registering for gifts for my wedding with a friend of mine. After a while, my friend asks if we can take a break so she can look at mattresses for her new apartment. I’m standing outside the mattress area with the registry gun, waiting for her to finish. An employee walks up to me.)

Employee: “You can’t put mattresses on your registry.”

Me: “I know. I’m just waiting for my friend.”

Employee: “Okay, but you can’t register for mattresses.”

Me: “I’m not. I’m waiting for my friend who is looking at them.”

Employee: “They don’t let you put mattresses on wedding registries.”

Me: “I KNOW. Do I need to not stand in this area with the gun? I’m not scanning anything. I’m waiting for my friend.”

(I gesture to my friend, who is trying out mattresses.)

Employee: “It’s just that you can’t register for a mattress.”

Me: “LISTEN, I know that I CAN’T register for a MATTRESS. I am NOT REGISTERING FOR A MATTRESS. I am waiting for my FRIEND. Whatever, I’m going over here now…”

Employee: *calling after me* “Just don’t try to register for a mattress! It won’t let you!”

(While I’m working, two supervisors walk into my office and close the door. I assume this cannot be a good thing, until they both burst out laughing.)

Supervisor #1: “You would not believe the interview we just had! We were interviewing for the open maintenance position, and it was already going badly; the guy was wearing enough cologne that I needed to turn on a fan and ventilate the room. So we get to the end of our questions, and I ask if he has any questions for us. So he asks if we ‘have a problem with diversity’ here.”

Supervisor #2: “We were confused; we thought maybe he just wanted to know if there was diversity among the staff, and phrased it awkwardly.”

Supervisor #1: “So I explained that the maintenance department is very diverse: Native Americans, Latinos, Whites, African-Americans, recent immigrants from Eastern Europe…”

Supervisor #2: “And he buts in and says, ‘But do you have trouble with the blacks and whites working together? Don’t they have conflicts?'”

Supervisor #1: “And we have no idea what to say. So as we’re thanking him for his time, I look at his resume again, and notice that his name is K**** K. K*****. It’s either the worst coincidence in history, or he changed his name so his initials would be KKK!”

(Somehow, I don’t think he’s going to get the job.)

This story is part of our Juneteenth roundup!

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(I receive a phone call randomly one Saturday morning.)

Caller: “Hello, I’m looking for [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, who’s this?”

Caller: “I’m calling from [Local Hospital] regarding your procedure on Thursday.”

(I’m shocked to hear this, and it takes me a moment to process what she is saying.)

Me: “I’m sorry… what? My procedure? WHAT procedure?”

Caller: “Your procedure on Thursday with Dr. [Name].”

Me: “Doctor who? I’ve never heard of this doctor! What do you mean, I have a procedure on Thursday? I haven’t even been to any doctor at all in a year!”

Caller: “Oh… you… don’t know this doctor?”

Me: “No! I don’t know this doctor. And I am not having surgery! I have no idea why you’re calling me. You must have made a mistake.”

Caller: “I’m so sorry. I’ll get this straightened out. I’m so sorry for bothering you.”

(I hang up the phone a bit disturbed by the mix-up, but I try to laugh it off with my husband. Two days later, I get another phone call.)

Caller: “Hello, I’m calling from the hospital for your surgery on Thursday?”

Me: “Okay, no. I already got this phone call two days ago. You guys are wrong. I am not having surgery on Thursday. I have never heard of this doctor, and I have no idea why you think I’m having surgery. The other lady told me she was going to fix this. Can you PLEASE ensure me that you’ll fix this?”

Caller: “Oh, well, I apologize for the trouble, but I’m sorry, I can’t ensure you that we’ll get this resolved. But I’ll see what I can do.”

(I hang up, but now I’m worried. Sure enough, two days later, I receive yet another phone call.)

Caller: “Hello, I’m calling from the hospital for your surgery on Thursday?”

Me: “Alright, this is ridiculous. I don’t mean to be rude, but this is not brain surgery. For the last time, I. AM. NOT. HAVING. SURGERY. TOMORROW. I do not understand why you keep calling me about a procedure I know nothing about, with a doctor I’ve never heard of. And I keep asking you guys to fix it and you don’t. Can you even tell me what kind of surgery I’m supposedly having?”

Caller: “I’m sorry; I don’t know that.”

Me: “What kind of doctor is Dr. [Name]?”

Caller: “I don’t know that either.”

Me: “Do you at least have the doctor’s phone number?”

(I get the phone number to the office of the doctor and, of course, they have never heard of me. After much back and forth between departments, they finally find out that the hospital had miswritten the medical record number of the patient who was actually scheduled for the surgery, and the miswritten number brought up my record instead.)

Receptionist: “Okay, so everything is all fixed now; the hospital has the right patient for surgery tomorrow, not you, so everything’s all taken care of.”

Me: “And what happens if they call me again?”

Receptionist: “They won’t. We’ve fixed it.”

Me: “Are you absolutely sure?”

Receptionist: “Yes. We’ve fixed it. They won’t call you anymore.”

Me: “Alright, fine. Thank you for your help.”

(I hang up and call my husband to let him know this mess has been sorted out. Just minutes into the conversation, I get another incoming call.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, hello, I’m calling from the hospital to remind you of your surgery tomorrow?”

(The kicker? The doctor I was supposedly getting operated on turned out to be a brain surgeon.)

(I am exchanging a Blu-ray disc I received as a gift for the DVD version, which is a couple of dollars cheaper. Company policy states that a gift card is issued when a gift receipt is used in an exchange or return. There is a law in California that says a gift card valued under $10 may be redeemed for cash, and I happened to work at a different location of the store when the law went into effect a few years prior.)

Service Rep: “Since there is a difference in price, you’ll be receiving a gift card with the difference.”

Me: “Could I just get the cash? A gift card with less than $2 on it doesn’t do me any good.”

Service Rep: “Sorry, we only distribute gift cards. It’s rude to know how much somebody spent on your gift, you know.”

Me: “If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t have picked up the movie myself. I know that the difference is less than $2. If I get the gift card, I’m just going to redeem it for the cash anyways.”

Service Rep: “Nope, sorry, we can’t give you cash for a gift receipt. It’s against policy.”

Me: “Actually, you can give cash.”

(I start to explain the process before being interrupted.)

Service Rep: “No! We can’t do it. If you want the difference, you have to get it as a gift card.”

Me: *giving up* “Fine, I’ll take the gift card.”

Service Rep: “Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Me: “Yes, I have a gift card here that has less than $2 on it, and I would like to redeem it for cash. Can I do that here?

Service Rep: “Of course!”

(A discount big-box store has just opened up a block from my job. I get to work very early one day, and decide to swing by and check it out. The prices are very good so I pick up a few things, but I lose track of time. By the time I get to the register, I’m cutting it a little close to get to work on time.)

Cashier: “That’s [price], and you even get a coupon for your next visit!”

Me: “That’s really great, thanks!”

Cashier: “Do you have our rewards card?”

Me: “No.”

Cashier: “Would you like to sign up? It’s free.”

Me: “Can I sign up online or something? I’d love to have the card, but I’m really running short on time.”

Cashier: “No, I’m sorry; I don’t think you can do that.”

Me: “Oh, okay, I’ll just sign up the next time I’m in.”

(I take my purchases and leave. A few days later I get off work early and so am able to stop in without time constraint. I get a couple more things and go to the register to be checked out.)

Cashier #2: “Do you have our rewards card?”

Me: “No, can I sign up here?”

Cashier #2: “Sure, I can have you fill out the form here, or you can do it online at your convenience.”

Me: *facepalm*