Not Following Procedure For The Procedure

| Working | November 8, 2013

(I receive a phone call randomly one Saturday morning.)

Caller: “Hello, I’m looking for [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, who’s this?”

Caller: “I’m calling from [Local Hospital] regarding your procedure on Thursday.”

(I’m shocked to hear this, and it takes me a moment to process what she is saying.)

Me: “I’m sorry… what? My procedure? WHAT procedure?”

Caller: “Your procedure on Thursday with Dr. [Name].”

Me: “Doctor who? I’ve never heard of this doctor! What do you mean, I have a procedure on Thursday? I haven’t even been to any doctor at all in a year!”

Caller: “Oh… you… don’t know this doctor?”

Me: “No! I don’t know this doctor. And I am not having surgery! I have no idea why you’re calling me. You must have made a mistake.”

Caller: “I’m so sorry. I’ll get this straightened out. I’m so sorry for bothering you.”

(I hang up the phone a bit disturbed by the mix-up, but I try to laugh it off with my husband. Two days later, I get another phone call.)

Caller: “Hello, I’m calling from the hospital for your surgery on Thursday?”

Me: “Okay, no. I already got this phone call two days ago. You guys are wrong. I am not having surgery on Thursday. I have never heard of this doctor, and I have no idea why you think I’m having surgery. The other lady told me she was going to fix this. Can you PLEASE ensure me that you’ll fix this?”

Caller: “Oh, well, I apologize for the trouble, but I’m sorry, I can’t ensure you that we’ll get this resolved. But I’ll see what I can do.”

(I hang up, but now I’m worried. Sure enough, two days later, I receive yet another phone call.)

Caller: “Hello, I’m calling from the hospital for your surgery on Thursday?”

Me: “Alright, this is ridiculous. I don’t mean to be rude, but this is not brain surgery. For the last time, I. AM. NOT. HAVING. SURGERY. TOMORROW. I do not understand why you keep calling me about a procedure I know nothing about, with a doctor I’ve never heard of. And I keep asking you guys to fix it and you don’t. Can you even tell me what kind of surgery I’m supposedly having?”

Caller: “I’m sorry; I don’t know that.”

Me: “What kind of doctor is Dr. [Name]?”

Caller: “I don’t know that either.”

Me: “Do you at least have the doctor’s phone number?”

(I get the phone number to the office of the doctor and, of course, they have never heard of me. After much back and forth between departments, they finally find out that the hospital had miswritten the medical record number of the patient who was actually scheduled for the surgery, and the miswritten number brought up my record instead.)

Receptionist: “Okay, so everything is all fixed now; the hospital has the right patient for surgery tomorrow, not you, so everything’s all taken care of.”

Me: “And what happens if they call me again?”

Receptionist: “They won’t. We’ve fixed it.”

Me: “Are you absolutely sure?”

Receptionist: “Yes. We’ve fixed it. They won’t call you anymore.”

Me: “Alright, fine. Thank you for your help.”

(I hang up and call my husband to let him know this mess has been sorted out. Just minutes into the conversation, I get another incoming call.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Yes, hello, I’m calling from the hospital to remind you of your surgery tomorrow?”

(The kicker? The doctor I was supposedly getting operated on turned out to be a brain surgeon.)

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