Coworker #1: “Did he say why he called in sick?

Coworker #2: “He hasn’t beaten his video game yet.”

Me: “I heard that’s been going around.”

(I call a hairdresser to make an appointment.)

Me: “Can you please tell me if you have any appointments left for Friday the 15th?”

Hairdresser: “Just one moment.”

(I can hear her ‘umming’ and ‘ahhing.’ After 15 or so seconds she comes back to the phone.)

Hairdresser: “You said Saturday, right?”

Me: “No, Friday.”

Hairdresser: “Oh!” *looks again* “We have an 11:30.”

Me: “Great. That will work.”

Hairdresser: “Okay. So that’s 11:30, Friday the 8th.”

Me: “No. I said the 15th.”

Hairdresser: “The 16th?”

Me: “You know what, forget it.”

(I work at a daycare run by an organization that originates from India. Most of my coworkers are international. I am in the office when the phone rings.)

Me: “[Daycare], this is [Name].”

Caller: “Hello, namaskar! Is [Boss’s Name] there?”

Me: “She’s not here right now. Can I give her a message?”

Caller: “Please have her call me back.”

(I write down the message. Later, my boss returns…)

Me: “[Boss’s name], Namaskar called for you.”

(My boss starts laughing, and at first I don’t know why.)

Boss: “‘Namaskar’ is a greeting!”

(I take a call. The other end sounds like a call centre.)

Me: “Hello?”

Telemarketer: *heavily accented* “Hello, my name is [Mispronounced Anglo-Saxon First Name].”

Me: “Of course it is…”

Telemarketer: “I’m calling from the United Kingdom County Council.”

Me: “I don’t know what to say. I mean, to find out this way that the UK has been downgraded from a country is rather shocking!”

(My two-month-old phone has suddenly and permanently frozen. As it’s still under warranty, I go to the store to replace it.)

Me: “Hello. My phone is broken.”

Employee: “Oh, dear. It is. Well, because it’s still under warranty, we’ll order a new one for you and notify you when it arrives in the shop.”

Me: “Really? That’s great. Thank you.”

(I fill out the forms and take my old broken phone home with me. About a month passes and I haven’t received a single letter or e-mail from the phone shop. I take an extra long break from work and run over there.)

Me: “Hi, sorry. I’m here about a replacement phone? Mine isn’t working, and hasn’t been working for a while.”

Employee: “Did you fill out the forms?”

Me: “I have them all here, along with my old phone.”

Employee: “Oh, this. Your phone came in about three weeks ago.”

Me: “Three weeks?! Why didn’t you notify me?”

Employee: “We did. We sent you a text message.”

Me: “…wait, what?”

Employee: “We texted you several times that your phone had arrived.”

Me: “You texted me? But my phone’s broken!”

Employee: “We sent you notification. I don’t understand why it took you so long—”

Me: “Ma’am, my phone is broken. How am I supposed to receive, let alone read a text message?! I can’t use my phone! That’s why I’m getting a new one! How was I supposed to know it had arrived?!”

(The employee pauses, thinks about it, then gives a huge shrug.)

Employee: “We sent you a message. You should have come sooner.”