(We have finished boarding the plane back to France, after waiting for about seven hours in the airport due to bad weather. The plane is crowded; we are all exhausted and eager to return home. The staff close the door and start the usual boarding speech. There is one steward and three hostesses.)

Steward: “Dear ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the delay. You are on board of the [Company] flight number 1234 to Lyon. My name is [Steward], I’ll be your cabin chief for the flight, and I will be assisted with [Hostess #1], [Hostess #2] and… er…”

(The steward make an awkward pause, looking at his colleague just near him. Both of them start to blush, but she says nothing and we start to understand that Steward forgot her name. We start to laugh. The steward make a sheepish look at us, completely red of shame, then back at her. Everyone is laughing, including the three hostesses.)

Steward: *speaking only to her* “Sorry for this, what’s your name? Sandra? Caroline?”

(She laughs a little and says to him her name after a long wait.)

Steward: *on the mic* “…and [Hostess #3]. Sorry for forgetting your name.”

(After this funny moment, we were a little more happier, forgetting about the very long wait in the airport.)

(The phone rings and my coworker answers it.)

Coworker: “Hello? Oh, I’m sorry.”

(After a while, he hangs up and tells me he’ll be back. He leaves and then comes back with a box of condoms.)

Me: “What’re those? Omigosh…”

Coworker: “Yeah. Guest found these in his drawers, just now.”

Me: “Are you sure they aren’t his?”

Coworker: “Yeah, he says that they’re not…”

Me: “Okay, then.”

(I see my coworker take out a piece of paper and I figure that he’s going to write a note for the managers, but when I turn around, the box of condoms is gone!)

Me: “Hey, where’s the…?”

Coworker: “Put them in the manager’s office.” *pockets bulging*

Me: “Riiiight…”

(I’m overweight and have been trying to lose some. I’ve already started, thanks to diet and exercise, and go to the health food store to see about getting something to boost it before meeting a friend for lunch. Being a small store there’s only a new employee there and he’s clearly chatting up a rather attractive girl. I go up to him after about 10 minutes.)

Me: “Excuse me? Sorry to interrupt but I’m looking for something to help with weight loss. Can you recommend something?”

Employee: “How about you stop eating and go exercise instead?”

(He looked at the girl, clearly expecting a laugh, but she looked disgusted and left. He was even more horrified when the manager appeared without me even asking. He doesn’t work there anymore.)

(I am just out of the military and looking for work. At a work seminar, I speak with a recruiter for a temp agency. She has me fill out an online application, and sets up an appointment for me. She’s very enthusiastic and helpful as well. Several days later, I go in for the appointment. The office has a small waiting room, with several girls behind the counter who take people back for the initial paperwork.)

Worker: “[My Name].”

(We got back and she clicks on her computer for a bit. Suddenly, she turns to me, her demeanor no longer bright and cheerful.)

Worker: “So, just so you know, we’re not based here in [Town]. Our main office is located out in California. When you apply online, they are the ones who review your application. Okay?”

Me: *confused* “Er, okay.”

Worker: “So, it looks here like they’ve marked you as ‘Unqualified.’ That means they don’t want you interviewed because you’re not qualified.”

(I have over seven years’ worth of knowledge in computer systems and data analyzation, thanks to the military, as well as a B.S. in computer engineering. On top of that, the temp agency specifically lists professions such as medicine and law for those they want to place.)

Me: “So… what makes me unqualified?”

Worker: “Oh, I don’t know. Only the main office will know, and they don’t tell me.”

Me: *getting suspicious* “Uh-huh. Look, I spoke with [Recruiter] at the seminar. She set this all up for me. I want to speak with her.”

Worker: *gets a weird look on her face* “Um… I think she’s in a meeting. Let me go check.”

(She takes me back out to the waiting room, and then disappears into the back. Five minutes later, she returns.)

Worker: “Yeah, sorry, she’s on a phone conference right now, and can’t come speak to you. She says she’ll be available in an hour. Do you want to wait?”

Me: “No. I have her number.”

(The recruiter had given me her card, so after I got home, I e-mail her, and leave a voice message. She calls back, saying she has a “new strategy for selling your resume” and will get back to me. I never hear from them again. Two months later, while working at my new and wonderful job, I get a text.)

Text: *quoted verbatim* Hi! Ths is [Agency]! We’d like to set up Apppointment for you to interview. If youve already got a job we understand :) but we’d like t o speak with you if possible send us yur resume and identification pleaz!”

(I also got an e-mail which stated that for my interview, I needed to bring in my SSN card, bank information, and a personal check. I can only guess the reason I was “Unqualified” is because they knew I would spot the scam!)

(I work in a five-star hotel in London, as a room service associate. At times we will hire “temps,” who are sourced from an agency, to help with demand – basically zero-hour contracts. On one such occasion, the hotel function room is having a wedding party, and room service is slammed with requests. The wedding party is busy, but they manage to send one of the agency staff,  who is already well-known for not having the slightest knowledge about service, and has been told at least three times how to hold a service tray properly. He is also incredibly lazy, and will gladly step back when everyone else is busy, and complain about the work load. I decide the best course of action is to just lump it, and get on with it. I’m in the kitchen, bringing a whole tray of food down to be arranged when my manager comes by.)

Manager: “Hey, have you seen [Agency Guy]?”

Me: “Yeah, he should be in Room Service. I asked him to get the trays ready for service.”

Manager: “He’s there, but he said he’s making coffee for an order. I checked the print outs and we have no orders for coffee yet.”

Me: “Right, let me see what’s going on.”

(I proceed to walk down a flight of stairs, carrying a tray with at least six main course dishes which not only are very heavy, but are also hot to the touch. The wooden tray is flimsy, and my hands start to burn. I come into Room Service to see Agency Guy sitting down, with no trays ready, sipping on a coffee. He’s faced away from me, so I purposely slam the tray down to get his attention. He jumps from his seat, and actually pretends like he was busy.)

Agency Guy: “Oh! I was just—”

Me: “Save it. We are too busy right now for me to want to listen to your excuses. Just get the trays ready, and send them up as soon as possible.”

Agency Guy: “But I don’t know how to do this!”

Me: “I’ve shown you three times already how to arrange a tray properly. It’s not rocket science. Fine, you go to the kitchen, get the food, and be back here sharpish.”

Agency Guy: “Okay, okay. Whatever…”

(I’m fuming at this guy right now, but we are stacked with orders, so I usher him away to the kitchen whilst I get everything ready to send up. In that time I get three calls from three separate rooms enquiring rather impolitely where their food is. Keep in mind they are paying top rate for this. I promise them their food will be with them shortly, and send up the trays. I come back 15 minutes later to find no other food ready, or Agency Guy. I manage to bump into my manager whilst looking for him.)

Me: “Hey, have you seen [Agency Guy]?”

Manager: “He told me you didn’t need his help anymore.”

Me: “What..?”

Manager: “He came to me and said you had it under control, so he’s helping us now.”

Me: “But I still have seven orders to do. I had to comp my last three because he hasn’t lifted a f****** finger in helping me yet!”

(I very rarely swear, even to my manager. But right now I am furious; my manager reads my tone instantly.)

Manager: “I will speak to him. Just do your best and comp more food if you need to. Okay?”

(Before I can say anything, the manager hurries back to the wedding party. I spend the next hour literally running between the kitchen, room service, and guest rooms, just to get back on track. At the end of it, my manager comes back to me.)

Manager: “Okay, we are done now. I have asked [Agency Guy] to come see you before he leaves. He was just as lazy in the wedding, so if he tries to protest, I’ll back you up.”

Me: *evil grin* “That would be great.”

Manager: “[Agency Guy], [My Name] would like to have a word with you.”

(I wait for my manager to hide away within earshot, as the Agency Guy walks over.)

Agency Guy: “You wanted to speak to me?”

Me: “I did. How do you think today went?”

Agency Guy: “Amazing! I worked so hard in here, and in the wedding! You were a bit slow, though, so—”

Me: “Okay, stop right there. First of all, you aren’t that good. All through today I had to chase you to find out what you were doing; half the time you were idle or drinking coffee. Second, you didn’t even pull any weight in the wedding. And third, don’t ever insult my ability. You just pissed off from here because you didn’t want to do the work [Manager] pays you to do, which meant that I had to do your job, as well as my own.”

Agency Guy: “Well, f*** you. Manager promised me your position anyway, because you’re slow as f***!”

Me: “Really?”

(I open a door behind me; my manager is standing there which causes the Agency Guy to go red in the face.)

Me: “Is that true, [Manager]?”

Manager: “You know it isn’t. [Agency Guy] get out of my hotel. You’re fired.”

(Agency Guy tried to argue, but he was already embarrassed enough he just hightailed it out of there. A week later the same agency lost the contract because of poorness of quality, so we outsourced our contract elsewhere. Guess who came back under another name, and was promptly ejected from the hotel?)