What The Sea Pancake Wants, The Sea Pancake Gets

I am on an excursion to swim with stingrays at a place where they are pretty used to humans. Of course, they are still wild animals and can be quite dangerous, so we are told some safety rules. The most important is to never step or walk over the sand as stingrays hide under the sand and will sting you if you step on them. (Seems fair!) Instead, you keep your feet in contact with the bottom and shuffle. We are also told how to put out our arms to interest the stingrays in landing on us. If one does, we are told to stand perfectly still, among other things. 

I get in the water. 

Me: “[Guide], I can’t touch the bottom. Is that a problem? Is there a special way I need to swim to not bother the stingrays?”

Guide: “No. Just move very slowly. “

I make myself look like a rock or shelf or whatever stingrays think you look like with your arms out, and a HUGE one comes over and lands on me. (The big ones are apparently female.) It is AMAZING! However, the guide comes rushing over, yelling at me because I am moving backward. 

Guide: “I told you to stand perfectly still! You have to stop moving!”

Me: “I told you that I haven’t been able to touch the bottom since we got in the water. I’m close to a foot shorter than everyone else on this tour. How do you expect me to stand still when I can’t touch the bottom?”

Guide: “Just stop swimming! You can’t move when one is sitting on you!”

Me: “I’m not swimming; I’m just floating!”

Guide: “You are moving! You have to stand still!”

Me: “Tell her that!”

I nod to the stingray who’s been gently swimming herself and me around since she landed. 

The guide was not happy, but there really wasn’t anything I could do. The stingray weighed more than me; even if I had been able to somewhat touch the ground, she still would have been able to push me around. It was a fun little ride until she got bored with me!