It’s February 2021, before the vaccine got widely distributed. Back then, when you tested positive, the Singaporean Government would swoop not only you, but every single close contact of yours, and send them all for quarantine.

Because my Sectionmate tested positive, our entire section had to spend the entirety of our Chinese New Year period in isolation.

I don’t think any of us were really too mad about it. We got to spend two weeks of our National Service on paid vacation (not leave) lazing around in a five-star hotel in Sentosa. There was aircon, free wifi, comfortable Queen-sized bed, hot water, a warmed toilet seat with a bidet…

Mom: “So you were essentially having a paid staycation! Give us back all our concern about you!”

Me: “Mwahaha! Envy at my great luck!”

Older Brother: “Okay, but were there any downsides to the staycation?”

Me: “The food. Every single meal was spicy. And you know me, I can’t take spicy food.”

Younger Brother: *nonchalantly eating spicy noodles* “Yeah, you’re a wimp.”

I whack him in a mostly playful manner.

Dad: “Yeah, that must have been bad. I can’t take spicy food either.”

Me: “Uh huh. The spicy food really messed up my digestion. I somehow managed to get both diarrhoea and constipation in the same day, which I didn’t even realise was physically possible.”

We all laugh.

Mom: “So did you ask for less spicy food?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Older Brother: “Why not? They didn’t allow it or something?”

Me: “I genuinely didn’t even think of doing that.”

There’s a beat of silence.

Me: “Look, hindsight is 20-20, alright?”

It’s July 2022. Absolutely none of them have let me live it down yet.

My old supervisor LOVED Peeps candies. If I wanted to bribe her into a good mood, I bought Peeps.

She also HATED any food that was green. Some green veggies made the cut, but not many.

I’m sure you see where this is going- one day I bought her a pack of green Peeps, because I just had to know if she would eat them.

She comes and sees them on her desk, and I saw her brain malfunction.
Finally she gave me the stink eye and said, “Oh, you’re EVIL.”

I think those things sat there a month or more while she decided whether she would eat them or toss them. Sadly, I don’t remember which way it went. :(

I am working from home and my husband brings me lunch, including chips that I had bought last week. I got some chips for him, but not these… which will all make sense in a moment. I notice the bag of chips is open and has been seriously depleted.

Me: I thought you didn’t like those in that brand?
Him: Yeah, not to my taste
Me: Then why did you eat them?
Him: What makes you think it was me? (reader, note, we are the only 2 people in our home ever at this point)
Me: (starting to laugh uncontrollably) Are you kidding me? Did you really just ask me that?
Him: Prove it wasn’t me!
Me: (now cry-laughing) You… You… You just said Prove it wasn’t me.
Him: Right! Prove it was me!
Me: That’s not wh-what you said. You said wasn’t me.
Him: Oh. (He starts laughing) Freudian slip, huh?
Me: Yeah, your Freudian slip is showing.
Him: Showing? It’s down around my ankles!
(we are now both howling with laughter)

After I moved out from my parent’s home, I didn’t change my dentist, even though I now lived an hour away.

I had scheduled an appointment for a dental cleaning, and they usually call a couple of days in advance to remind the patients of their appointments.

One day before my appointment, I am meeting up with my parents, who are both patients at the same dentist.

I mention that I have an appointment the next day, and my mom looks at me.

Mom: You have one? That’s funny because they called me yesterday to confirm, but I told them I had no appointment scheduled with them, so they cancelled it.

Me: What? That could explain why I haven’t gotten a call… I better call them then.

Lo and behold, when I call them they had cancelled MY appointment, because they mistakingly called my mother.

It wasn’t that much of an issue for me to reschedule, but imagine if I had turned up the next day without an appointment. So I guess I was lucky in the end that I talked to my parents that day.

Some years ago, I was going on holiday with my then-girlfriend. The plan was to drive my car to Germany and visit several different cities over the course of a week. A few days before going, I found her with her computer, compiling some kind of list.

Me: “What are you doing?”
Girlfriend: “I’m collecting addresses for [clothing chain] shops in the cities we’re going to.”
Me: “Okay… You know they have that same chain right here at home, right?”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, but they might have different stuff abroad.”
Me: “I thought the whole point of having an international clothing chain was that they sell the same things everywhere?”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, but you never know.”
Me: “Okay… But why are you writing down the addresses for those shops in ALL the cities we’re going to?”
Girlfriend: “So that I can visit one of their shops in every city.”
Me: “But… it’s the same chain. You have seven shops on your list here – two of them is in the same city … and they’re all the same!”
Girlfriend: “They may have different stuff!”
Me: “No, they won’t! That’s the whole point! Even if there’s a difference between our country and Germany, there won’t be much difference between the shops within Germany. If you visit a hamburger chain, the burger they give you is the same in Berlin as it is in Dusseldorf. Surely, [clothing chain] operates the same way?”

In the end, she did indeed visit the stores of that clothing chain whenever we went shopping. I found the whole shopping experience very boring, because it all seemed the same wherever we went.