This Call Has Been Terminated

| Wisconsin, USA | Right | November 11, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I assist you?”

Caller: “Well, first of all, you can get a real life person on the line.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Sir, I can assure you, I am an actual person.”

Caller: “No, no, no! Don’t play that crap with me. I know how advanced you machines are getting these days. You–”

Me: “Sir, I promise you, I am not a machine.”

Caller: “See! You couldn’t even tell the right place to start talking! That, and that pause before you responded is all I needed to hear to know for sure. Yeah, that’s right! I know how to read you things. What do you have to say to that, you worthless box of microchips?”

Me: *long pause* “Beep?”

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  • Hahn Ackles

    Ironically a great way of proving you aren’t a machine – if the caller isn’t an idiot…

  • Kathy Joy

    I once had a customer accuse me of being an automated voice and basically dragged the call out trying to ‘test’ me but she always decided my responses ‘sounded like something a computer would say’. I told her that either we got to her query, or I would disconnect the call. After all that, turns out she had called to say she was never going to pay our bill, it was a scam, our computers had obviously made the figure up, no way she had used that much energy, ‘take me to court I dare you, the judge will take my side’ yada yada. Every time I tried to get information out of her such as what kind of house she lived in, how many people lived there, what kinds of appliances she had, or even how much she felt she should have been paying were all met with her snapping ‘No, no. I’m not paying.’

    After she hung up, sounding pretty pleased with herself, I checked out her account. All her bills were based on actual meter readings . Both her meters had been tested several times and neither were faulty. She’d also had several bills drafted where it had been worked out manually and they had broken down every step showing how it had been calculated. She still claimed it was made up and refused to pay.

    We were due to go to court the next month, so I checked the account a month later. Turns out the woman did indeed go to court. Unfortunately the notes don’t give any detail as to what happened in court, it’s just a standardised form with a few tick boxes and such including whether the warrant was granted. It was. Judge clearly didn’t take her side.

  • Katherine Alice Thompson

    Well, BEEP you too, pal!

  • Dani Marie

    Just say ‘the answer is not 42’ the next time something like this happens!
    See how she likes that for proof you’re a real human! 😉