They Walk Among Us… And Worse, They Probably Vote

We’ve all heard about Flat Earthers, but if you’re even remotely sane and reasonable, you probably think that it’s just a very elaborate inside joke that people keep perpetuating because they find it amusing to do so. Yeah, that’s what I thought, too.

Enter [Guest]. [Guest] was staying at our hotel with his teenage son for the weekend. They had a weekend trip planned and were in the area, so they needed a place to stay. [Guest] was a pretty unassuming guy at first glance, and his son had that impatient silence about him that most teenagers have.

Everything was a-okay. I came in the next morning to relieve the night auditor, and [Guest] was standing at the desk talking passionately about something. The night auditor made eye contact with me in a way that said, “Please help me.” I silently giggled and continued into the office where I overheard [Guest] say something about sun rotation and Earth as a plane. I assumed he was poking fun at the Flat Earth idea and joking about the whole thing.

Five minutes later, the night auditor walked back into the office with a handful of papers and stared at me unblinkingly as he ripped them up and shoved them in the garbage. He gave me the report and then told me “Good luck!” as he left.

I thought that that was it. It seemed that [Guest] had gone up to his room, so I thought nothing of it. Ten minutes later, he came back down to the desk and introduced himself. Uh, hi? Nice to meet you I guess? I didn’t know what he expected me to say, honestly. Turns out, I didn’t have to say anything. He could speak more than enough for both of us. He began to talk about the basis of the Flat Earth theory, and I laughed about it and shook my head a bit. I thought he was joking, but as he kept going, I realized he was completely and utterly serious. And the mirth in my eyes turned to horror.

[Guest] barely stopped for a breath. It took me a minute to tune back into what he was saying after the realization hit me that he was serious. He started pulling out all these resources. He was obviously very well prepared for this. I’m not talking about a couple of random sources he mentioned in passing here; I’m talking Bible verses, mathematical equations, diagrams, drawings, websites, YouTube videos, measurements, tools, and more. My hope withered more and more with each new source he presented to me.

He showed me clips of videos. He drew pictures as he was explaining. He worked out the mathematical equations in front of me and explained every step. He wrote down a dozen URLs for me to look into. He referenced specific Bible verses and emphasized the word choice in them.

It went on and on and on. Finally, I realized it had been an hour and a half, and I’d tried to walk away about a dozen times. I dead-a** said, “I have to work now,” went to sit in the office, and tried extremely hard to look busy. He just. Kept. Talking. Every time I had to go out to the front desk, he had something to show me. Every time I walked back into the office, he spoke more clearly so I could hear him.

I eventually asked him:

Me: “Why don’t people fall off the ends of the Earth?”

Guest: “There are great ice walls surrounding the edges of the Earth.”

Me: “Why is that not common knowledge?”

Guest: “The ice walls are guarded by a branch of the military, and they make people turn around before they can see the walls. This information is kept under wraps because the government doesn’t want to admit that they’re using so many resources to guard these walls. If everyone knew about it, there would be a riot.”

I managed a grimace/smile combination as I politely nodded my head. I thought that maybe he would leave sooner if I looked like I believed him. And honestly, I didn’t particularly want to antagonize a weirdo when I was alone in a hotel. I just tried to go with it.

He told me that he was saving up for a sophisticated Nikon camera so he could have photographic evidence of the Earth being flat. This guy was saving up for a $1,000 camera to prove that the Earth was flat.

Eventually, a big group of people came to check out, and he finally walked away.

He came back about ten minutes later.

Guest: “Y’know, most young people don’t have an open mind like you do. I’m glad you’re so willing to learn and consider new information. Can I take a picture of you?”

As he raised his phone camera up to snap it, I shouted:

Me: “NO!”

A million mental images of my face appearing on flat Earth websites and social media pages flashed before my eyes, and I was nearly frozen in horror.

He was disappointed but left nonetheless.

Twenty minutes later, another guest came to the front desk.

Guest #2: “Excuse me, miss. I’m sorry to bother you, but there’s a man outside harassing people. He’s out there shouting about planets and ice walls to anyone who walks by.”

I sighed and lowered my voice.

Me: “Sir, he stood here and preached the same things to me for over two hours. If he isn’t following people into their cars or hurting anyone, there’s not a whole lot I can do. I’m not going to invite that man back inside.”

Thankfully, the guest understood and assured me that he was just standing out there preaching and not actually hurting or stalking people.

What a day. I was just… shocked to realize that Flat Earthers aren’t just part of a big inside joke. They’re SERIOUS.