The People Of The United Kingdom, Uruguay, Uzbekistan, UAE, And A Few Others Would Like A Word…

Our library is holding a little kiddie competition. The kids get to play a general knowledge quiz, based on information found around the library. We have a huge world map near the entrance so there are inevitably some geography-based questions.

One of the fathers comes over with the quiz sheet, looking angry. His maybe nine- or ten-year-old son is behind him, looking exhausted.

Patron: “This competition is rigged! It’s asking us to find a country that begins with U!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Patron: “There aren’t any country names that begin with U!”

Me: “Really, sir?”

Patron: “I would know! I watch National Geographic!”

Patron’s Son: “You watch Ancient Aliens, Dad.”

Me: “Sir, I can think of at least one very well-known country beginning with U that I guarantee you’ve visited.”

Patron: “No way! I’m a true American! I don’t need to go where there’s no freedom!”

Ah. I am working with one of those. Best cut to the chase.

Me: “Sir, the country you’re standing in right now begins with a U.”

Patron: “Dumba**! ‘America’ begins with an A! I can’t believe you work in a library!”

Patron’s Son: “Oh, my God, Dad! It’s the United States Of America!”

Patron: “But that’s just America!”

Patron’s Son: “Dad, what did you think the ‘USA! USA!’ chanting meant every time we watched the Olympics?”

Patron: “I thought that was a sports thing?”