The Deathbringer Double

I’m a manager, and I work graveyard shifts at a privately-owned pizza place. The past week has just been full of stupidly crazy people.

One night, we get a call from a woman asking for a manager. I take the call.

Customer #1: “I’m having an allergic reaction to your pizza.”

Me: “…Okay, um, what did you order?”

Customer #1: “A medium supreme pizza.”

Me: “Well, that pizza has eleven toppings on it. What exactly are you allergic to?”

Yes. Eleven toppings!

Customer #1: “MSG!”

Me: “Well, considering MSG is in just about everything, I really don’t know what to tell you…”

The customer hangs up. The customer calls back five minutes later.

Customer #1: “I’m still having an allergic reaction!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s really nothing I can do for you…”

Customer #1: “Well, what do I do? I could die!”

Me: “Umm… Seek medical attention?”

Another hang-up. Another call.

Customer #2: “I got a pizza yesterday, and I had a major allergic reaction to it!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. What was your order?”

Customer #2: “The Deathbringer Special with extra hot peppers.”

I’m speechless for a moment.

The Deathbringer Special is one of those pizzas that’s available only because some of the locals believe that if it doesn’t blow the tastebuds out of the back of your skull, then it’s bland. The dough is made with jalapeno juice. The cheese is pepperjack. It has specially made, extra spicy, pepper-infused sauce, and it is topped with several different kinds of extremely hot peppers. It’s disturbingly popular and is ordered often enough to have its own special spot on the menu.

There is literally no part of this that isn’t infused with pepper.

The policy encourages employees to wear a mask and gloves while slicing some of these. The spot where this pizza is made is specially set aside from the rest of the food prep to avoid contamination. There’s an eye rinse station specifically set up near the prep area. 

The fact that she ordered this AND asked for extra (i.e. more) hot peppers on top says that she should be incapable of speaking without setting things on fire for the next three months.

Me: “Um, okay, what were you allergic to?”

Customer #2: “Peppers.”

Me: *Pauses* “You ordered a pizza that has peppers as an ingredient in literally every part of its preparation, knowing that you were allergic?”

Customer #2: “And your point? What are you going to do to make up for your incompetence?”

Me: “Uh, give you some advice, I guess? Maybe if you’re allergic to something, you should stay away from it? Just a thought.”

I hung up on her angry squawking. I documented both incidents and saved receipts just in case basic stupidity escalated to legal stupidity. We DO have the necessary allergy warnings and ingredients posted, as well.

This crap only seems to happen at 4:00 am.