That’s One Way To Kill Time While You Wait For A New Job…

I work with unemployment cards, unblocking fraud labels, resetting passwords, and all that good stuff.

A guy calls in, desperate as anything because he can’t use his card. I’m thinking he probably has to pay rent today or something, so I get to his transaction history and look for what’s going on. It’s a regular fraud block — easy in, easy out.

I tell the guy the spiel and start to list out his recent transactions to confirm they are his. My mouth is on autopilot, so I’m not really reading and don’t realize what the charges are until I hear them in my own voice.

They’re all for [Subscription Service frequently used for adult content].

As I’m talking to the cardholder, I keep scrolling down transactions.

[Service]: $40

[Service]: $27

[Service]: $43

The only charges to this man’s unemployment card are for adult content — thousands of dollars’ worth. The government is this guy’s literal spank bank.

Being the professional I am, I keep pleasant while on the phone with this guy, and wait to wheeze until I’m out on my smoke break.

God bless America.