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Throwing Himself Towards The Ground(ing)

, , , , | Right | October 24, 2013

(I am talking to a mom about a purchase for her son.)

Me: “Oh, and he’s getting the [Brand] set today?”

Mom: “Yeah, but we’re not sure he’s really mature enough. He’s five and—”

Son: “MOM! LOOK AT ME, MOM! MOM! MOM!”

(We both turn to find her son perched above a bin of LEGO blocks that kids can play with.)

Mom: “Oh, no…”

Son: “I’M KING OF THE WORLD!”

(The son tears off his clothes and dives into the LEGOs.)

Mom: *to me* “I’m sorry. Oh, I’m so sorry!”

(The mother pulls her son out of the very shallow bin and he begins crying.)

Son: “Mom, being king sucks! I wanna be queen, instead!”

Mom: “Right now, all you are is grounded!”


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This Just Took A Downward Slide

| Right | October 24, 2013

(A customer walks up to my register and tries sliding his card.)

Me: “Oh, actually, your card won’t work until the very end of the transaction.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “Do you have a [store loyalty card] with us?”

Customer: “Yes. Under my phone number.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “It’s [number].”

(I type in the phone number.)

Me: “Under [Name]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, so then just hit ‘correct’ over there for me.”

(I gesture to the screen. The customer slides his card again.)

Me: “Oh no, first you’ll need to hit ‘correct’ for me.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer slides his card again.)

Me: “No, hit correct first.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer slides his card AGAIN.)

Me: “Hit the button.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(The customer slides his card again. I give up and just hit the ‘total’ button.)

Me: “Okay, you can slide your card now.”

Customer: “I thought I slid it already.”

Me: “You did, but I wasn’t ready for you yet.”

Customer: “Oh, slide now?”

Me: “Yes.”

(The customer slides his card. The PIN number prompt comes up. The customer just sits there, staring at nothing in particular.)

Me: “It’s asking you to put in your PIN number.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

(The customer types in his PIN, and then stares off into space again.)

Me: “Now it’s asking you to approve the total.”

(The customer hits the ‘no’ button.)

Me: “Is something wrong?”

Customer: “No, why?”

Me: “Well, you hit the ‘no’ button.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought it was asking me if I wanted cash back.”

Me: “No. We don’t offer cash back. It was asking you to approve the total. No worries, I can re-run it and it’ll just ask you to put in your PIN again.”

Customer: “I have to put in my PIN AGAIN?”

Me: “Yes, you do.”

Customer: “Ugh. This is so FRUSTRATING!”

Me: “Okay, so now just hit ‘yes.'”

(The customer finally hits ‘yes,’ and we are able to go on our merry way!)

This Scam Gets Top Billing

| Right | October 24, 2013

(A customer walks up to my till with his items and hands me a £50 note. I immediately become suspicious as the transaction total is only £7.50.)

Me: “Okay, that’s £7.50, and here’s your change.”

(I always count up the change I take out of the till.)

Me: “So that’s £20, £20, £1, £1, 50p, totaling £42.50, right?”

(The customer takes the money and starts to walk out. My manager, who is nearby, sees the customer pocket something. While looking towards me, my manager points to his office before he disappears. I am about to serve the next customer when my original customer comes back up to me.)

Customer: “Sorry, you seem to have only given me £22.50.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. But I know I counted out £42.50 exactly.”

(The customer then places the £22.50 back on the counter and empties his front pockets.)

Customer: “See, only £22.50. Can I have my other £20 back please?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t open the till for that without a manager’s authorization. It’s against company—”

Customer: “But this next customer is paying by cash, so you can just take it out then, can’t you?”

Me: “No, that would be negligence on my part as I would be removing too much money from the till during that transaction, and it would not show up on our register logs.”

(The customer then steps aside and lets the next customer come to the till. The first customer then starts insulting me in front of the other customers.)

Customer: “You thief! You b****!”

(I process the next customer’s items and then take his cash and open the till drawer.)

Customer: “See? It’s open now and you won’t give me my £20 that you stole from me!”

(The customer reaches over towards the till drawer.)

Me: “Sir, I told you I need a manager before I can process that!”

(I slam the till drawer closed before the customer can get near it. I then hand the next customer his change, who thanks me and leaves. I turn back to the first customer, whose face seems to be getting redder and redder.)

Customer: “How long are you going to keep me here?!”

(Just then, the phone next to my till rings, with the display showing ‘MANAGER.’)

Me: *to the customer* “Just a second, sir.”

Manager: *to me over the phone* “The customer has hidden the missing £20 in his back pocket.”

(I try not to smile as I put the phone back down and my manager appears from the office. I turn to the customer and speak loudly enough that the other customers in line can hear.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, but my manager has told me I cannot open the till to give you your £20 back, because you have it in your right back pocket.”

Customer: *flustered* “T-that’s a lie! How d-dare you, you f*****!”

Me: “Sir, I’ve been told to ask you to leave before we call the police.”

(At this point I have my finger on the panic button, and he can visibly see that. He quickly gathers up his change from the counter and runs out of the store yelling profanities at my manager and me. The next customer, an elderly lady, walks up.)

Elderly Lady: *laughing* “Even I counted it out when you did and got the same amount, and I tell you, that’s a feat at my age!”

Nailed It

| Working | October 22, 2013

(My cousin looks like any normal Caucasian woman, but she has married into our Vietnamese family and can understand Vietnamese pretty well. She goes to a beauty store to pick up some nail polish, where the employees are Vietnamese.)

Cousin: “Hi, can I get a price on this nail polish?”

(Employee #1 turns to Employee #2, and starts speaking in Vietnamese.)

Employee #1: “How much should I charge her?”

Employee #2: “Just tell her it’s [overcharged price]. She’s a white girl; there’s no way she can know.”

(My cousin slams the nail polish on the counter, and responds to them both also in Vietnamese.)

Cousin: “Keep your nail polish! The white girl does know!”

(The employees were speechless as she stormed out of the shop!)

Obama-Careless

| Right | October 21, 2013

(We have a very strict policy: there are only discounts on things that are marked as such by a corporate mandate, and that’s it. I’m the only register open.)

Customer: “Hi there, I noticed this lamp has some markings on it; does it get some sort of damage discount?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; everything is priced as marked. It’s not something I or even the manager can change.”

Customer: “Really? That’s lousy, but okay.”

(The customer leaves, and comes back with a new lamp.)

Customer: “I’ve got a question for you. Is it alright if I use your employee discount?”

Me: “…I’m sorry, sir; I’m not allowed to use my discount while I’m on duty.”

Customer: “What if I told you I’m related to Barack Obama? Would you give me a discount then?”

Me: “No, you would still have to pay full price.”

Customer: “You’re telling me the President of these United States of America can’t even get a discount?!”

Me: “I’m afraid [store] views everyone as equals, so no.”