(It’s Christmas Eve at 5:30. I just finished closing registers and am doing final checks while my associate straightens out some products. All of a sudden there is a loud banging on the door.)

Customer: “How can you be closed? It’s Christmas Eve and I need a gift card now!”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am. We have been closed for almost a half hour.”

Customer: “But I need a gift card! Can I slide you money through the crack in the door?” *takes out money* “See?! Look! It slides through.”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m sorry our registers are closed. If you need a gift card that badly try the grocery store three stores down.”

Customer: “But… but…”

Me: “Ma’am, as I told you, we are closed. We want to spend the holiday with our family. So you can try the grocery store as they sell our gift cards in a $25 denominations.”

(I turned around to finish my checks and the customer left, defeated.)

(I have a seasonal job over the Christmas holidays at a store that sells decorations. The store normally has pretty cheap items for sale but at the time there was a promotion where all Christmas items were half off. However there was a policy where if an item was missing parts or damaged it couldn’t be discounted at the till, it had to have a special sticker put on it by a floor worker. A woman comes up to my till with just a set of what’s supposed to be 2 bows but only has one.)

Customer: “Hey I really like this set of bows but it’s only got one even though it’s supposed to be a set of two. Can I get a discount?”

Me: “No, sorry. It has to be marked down as damaged while on the floor. But with the Christmas discount it’s only $2.”

Customer: “But there’s only one! It should be discounted even further.”

Me: “Well, is there another set of those? That way you can get two bows like you’re supposed to.”

Customer: “No, this was the only one I saw. Why can’t you just discount it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t have that ability.”

Customer: *scoffs* “This is absolutely ridiculous. Fine, I’ll just leave it.”

(She handed me the rest of her items and I rang them up. After I finished bagging them up and handed them to her, she grabbed the bow and hurried out before I could stop her. I told my manager about it but she was already long gone. The kicker? The next day I saw several of the exact same set of bows that were a complete set!)

(It’s December first, and exactly at closing time, a couple wanders in:)

Male Customer: *after hearing the closing announcement on the loudspeaker* “You’re closed?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Female Customer: “You CAN’T be closed! We NEED a live Christmas tree!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. There’s no one in the garden department who can operate the chainsaw, but we open at six am and—”

Female Customer: “This is g****** stupid! It’s f****** Christmas time! Do your f****** job and find someone to help us, right now!”

(I went to find my manager and to clock out. I don’t know if they got their Christmas tree but I know who made Santa’s naughty list this year!)

(A customer comes into the store and orders a large amount of building supplies to build a shed. She is helped and checked out by me. Her brother comes for the items a few hours later, and I load them up. She calls back the next day.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m coming to pick up my order today, and just want to make sure it’s ready.”

Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. What is the name and phone number attached to the order? ”

Customer: “It’s [Name] and [phone number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it appears your order was already picked up by your brother.”

Customer: “What? My brother? I don’t have a brother. Someone stole my merchandise!”

(When she placed her order with me, she told me her brother’s name and that he would be picking it up. This was listed on her order at the time of purchase by me.)

Me: “Hmm. No brother?”

Customer: “Let me speak to your manager! I’m an only child!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not going to do that for you.”

Customer: “What…?”

Me: “See, when I first answered the phone I stated my name. When running this double dip scam in the future, please note the name of the person you’re dealing with. I not only helped you with the purchase and rang you up. I also loaded your brother’s truck with the merchandise. [Brother’s Name]. I also checked his id, first and last name. I hope this is all clear as I would hate to repeat myself and waste any more of my time.”

Customer: “I… what is your name?!”

Me: “We here at [Store] thank you for your business and your continued support. Please do not hesitate to shop again with us. And can you do me a favor?”

Customer: “…what?”

Me: “Have a lovely day.”

(Her brother returned the next day to return the merchandise. He was denied.)

(We’re having a little party at work because a few of my coworkers are leaving at the same time that some of my other coworkers are being promoted. One of my coworkers is vegan so we bought vegan cupcakes for everyone.)

Coworker #1: “Man, I’ve never had vegan cupcakes before. They’re pretty good.”

([Coworker #2] and [Coworker #3] nod in agreement.)

Coworker #1: “It’s almost like, I don’t know, weird knowing that was my first time. It’s like they—”

Coworker #2: “THEY TOOK YOUR VEGINITY!”

Coworker #1: “I was going to say, ‘They popped my vegan cherry,’ but that works, too.”

Coworker #3: “Well, cherries are vegan, so popping it wouldn’t work in this context.”

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