(Most customers I get appreciate being wished a Merry Christmas and wish me one in return, which I thank them for. I get one rather aloof customer at my register.)

Me: “There you go, ma’am, and Merry Christmas.”

Customer: *sneers* “I’m atheist. I don’t celebrate Christmas.”

Me: *very excitedly, with a big smile* “I’m Jewish! Neither do I!”

Customer: *stares at me blankly*

Me: *waves* “Merry Christmas anyway!”

(She was too confused by my energy to say anything else and just left.)

(I work in a popular candy store. For major holidays, we have chocolate statues, such as turkeys for Thanksgiving, stuffed with candy pieces. For Christmas this year, we have snowmen. It’s December 23, and a woman comes into the shop.)

Customer: “Hi, I need something for a Christmas present.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. We have several baskets on our shelves, varying in price, and our foils are buy one, get one free.”

Customer: “Do you have any of those?”

(She points to the last snowman, who is currently on display in a little bell jar. He’s defective, and has been on display for a month, so we cannot sell him.)

Me: “Unfortunately ma’am, he is our last one, and I cannot sell him. But we have several other—”

Customer: “What?! How can you not have any left two days before Christmas? You’re a candy store; you should always have them!”

Me: “Ma’am, we only make a limited number of them per holiday, and they sold out last week.”

Customer: “You should have them! You’re a candy store!”

(She stomped out without buying anything. Two hours later, my boss mentioned a call from an irate customer who claimed we were “sold out of everything!” and I’m willing to bet it was her.)

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(I work in the stockroom of an electronics store. For the holidays the company is running an overnight shift. At my store it consists of me and a temporary supervisor. I set aside two left over cardboard boxes at the beginning of my shift, from the stock team at an earlier shift, as I need boxes to transport presents 50 miles and two towns over without my six-year-old brother seeing them. I leave the stock room to do my duties but upon my return at the end of my shift I notice my boxes are gone.)

Me: “Where are my boxes?”

Supervisor: “What boxes?”

Me: “I had two large boxes sitting by the workstation with my jacket over them.”

(This is the jacket I wear every day, and it is now sitting on the desk.)

Supervisor: “Oh! Those were your boxes?”

Me: “Yes! That is why I had my jacket was on them. I need them to hide my brother’s presents.”

Supervisor: “Oh, I didn’t know. I thought they were [Coworker]’s leftover boxes from when he did [task that usually requires large, black, plastic totes].”

Me: “No, [task] takes black totes not cardboard boxes. Besides, my jacket was on top of them in a way that was clearly deliberate.”

Supervisor: “OH! I didn’t know!”

Me: “My jacket was on top of them. What did you do with them? Did you put them in the compactor?”

Supervisor: “No, they’re right here.” *walks over to compactor and shows me there sitting right next to it* “I didn’t crush them yet. I didn’t know!”

Me: *face-palm*

(Thankfully they weren’t crushed, as we don’t keep boxes around and we wouldn’t have more until the next week — after Christmas.)

(It is not uncommon for boyfriends and husbands to be dragged into our shop by their significant others. The customer is shopping with his girlfriend and asks me what he can get with the coupon she just handed him.)

Me: “You can get a lotion, shower gel, or body cream anywhere on this wall. It includes the men’s line as well.”

Male Customer: “But what if I want to smell like strawberries?”

Me: “Well, [Core Fragrance] has strawberries in it and so does [Seasonal Fragrance] in our new summer line.”

Male Customer: “You answered that way better than I thought you would.”

(I’m the manager at a small neighborhood cell phone shop in the most diverse city in the US. On any given day, I encounter customers from a good dozen different cultures. More than half of my customers are originally from another country or are the first generation born here, and a good percentage of them are Muslim, Buddhist, or Hindu [as is our store owner], and I’m an atheist. I absolutely love the holidays, all of them. Celebrating for any reason is awesome to me, and I like to include everybody so I say “Happy Holidays” unless someone beats me to it and says “Merry Christmas,” then I say “Merry Christmas to you, too.” It is the Sunday before Christmas.)

Me: *to my customer as she and her mother open the door to leave* “Thank you for choosing [Carrier]. You’re going to love the service and if you need any help or have any issues you can stop by anytime and we’ll be glad to help you out. Have a great day and Happy Holidays!”

Customer’s Mother: “It’s Merry Christmas! Merry CHRIST-mas! Not happy holidays. Christ is the reason for the season. We just had the most beautiful service at church about how nobody respects Christ during Christmas anymore!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, Merry Christmas to you, too!”

Customer: “You don’t have to be so rude, Mom. Maybe she’s Jewish!”