(My mother and I are in the toy section of a store known for particularly low prices, shopping for Christmas presents. We bump into a noteworthy fellow: he’s an older gentleman with a rather round figure and a bushy white beard. To top off the resemblance, he’s wearing a red sweater, and he’s pushing a cart full of toys. He looks at us. We look at his cart. He winks.)

Definitely Not Santa: “I won’t tell if you don’t.”

(It is near Christmas time. At about six pm this woman comes up with her daughter who is about five years old. As I am ringing up their items an older gentleman comes in. He’s overweight with a red nose from the cold, a thick white beard, half rimmed glasses, a really old Santa hat on his head, and a red and black plaid fleece coat on. As he walks by the little girl stares at him in awe.)

Little Girl: *whispering to her mother* “Was that Santa?”

Mother: *smiling* “Well, I don’t know. It could be!”

(The little girl then looks at me for confirmation and I shrug.)

Me: “Well, we DO have a landing strip on the roof for his sleigh. Where do you think we get all of our toys from?”

(She just looked so excited as I saw the magic fill her eyes. The mother smiled at me and as they left I heard the girl say.)

Little Girl: “Can we look for the sleigh?”

Mother: “Sure!”

(I am working in the service department for a retail company. We are closing early on Christmas Eve. It’s currently 45 minutes till we close and a phone call comes in.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for this game, [Game]; do you have it?”

Me: *looking up the game* “Yes, we do, ma’am.”

Caller: “Great, what time do you close?”

Me: “We close in about 45 minutes.”

Caller: “I’ll be there in an hour.”

Me: “Ma’am, we close in 45 minutes. We won’t be open in an hour.”

Caller: “I’ll be there in an hour and you better be open or I’m breaking in.”

Me: “Ma’am, you have to be here before five pm or we will be closed.”

Caller: “I’m buying this game for my kid. You ruin my Christmas and I’ll ruin yours.”

Me: “Ma’am, we will be leaving at five pm to have Christmas with our families. Please be here before five. Thank you.” *hangs up*

(As the employees were leaving about 5:15 there was a woman banging on the doors and screaming obscenities about how she would ruin Christmas for everyone.)

(I’m the toys’ department manager at a major retail store. When an item gets damaged we do a special mark down on it to try to sell it. We can do this two times before the price is brought to zero and we throw it out. A lady comes up to me with a toy that has been marked down and I clearly write “as is” on the tag.)

Customer: “This toy is ripped open and dirty. Can you take some money off it for me? ”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. It’s already been marked down and clearly states the product is being sold “as is.” I’m not taking any more off.”

Customer: “Well, I see there are two stickers on it! The one on the bottom says 35% off and the one on top says 25% off! Why is the lesser one on top?”

Me: “When I first marked it down it took 35% off the original price. Since it didn’t sell I did another mark down on it for 25% off the previous 35% off price. On top of that the toy was already on clearance before it was marked down. You are getting a $30 toy for $5.72 right now. If I take any more off the system will automatically delete that toy out of our inventory and I will have to throw it away.”

Customer: “Well, I live on welfare and don’t have that much money! What do you suppose I do for my son for Christmas?”

Me. “The local church has a program that gives low income family’s new clothes for Christmas and there is always Toys for Tots. You could try them if you have difficulty affording presents.”

Customer: “You just think I’m white trash, don’t you? That’s why you won’t take more money off for me! You think you’re better than me because you have a fancy job and no kids to support! You don’t know how rough Christmas time is when you have kids!”

Me: “Actually I have a four-year-old son.”

Customer: “WELL, I’M NOT DEALING WITH YOUR ATTITUDE JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK I’M WHITE TRASH! I COULD WORK HERE IF I WANTED A JOB!”

(She then threw the toy on the floor and stormed away…)

(A customer asks if we carry anklets, so I lead him to our selection.)

Customer: “Don’t you have any for belly dancing? Like the ones that jingle?”

Me: “Unfortunately not. Is your wife a belly dancer?”

Customer: “What, do you have to be a belly dancer to buy these or something? Of course she’s not a belly dancer. What a stupid question.”

Me: “Uh… I only asked because you had said… never mind. Let me know if you need anything else.”

(A few minutes later, he comes to the register to purchase the anklet. I ring him up, hand him his purchase, and wish him a Merry Christmas.)

Customer: “You’re a dumb mother-f*****, aren’t you?”

(I still don’t know what his problem was!)