(I work in a department store. For some reason, they switched calling up extra cashiers from “to the front lanes” to “code one.” It may have been to sound more official, but it really caused confusion, especially when customers overheard. The week before Christmas, for unknown reasons we only had three cashiers scheduled to man our twelve check-out lanes, and one called out. Needless to say, the front manager was calling more and more floor workers up for “code one” by the minute. I don’t keep track of this until I realize I’m surrounded by people asking for help with everything from hardware to groceries to clothing.)

Me: “Excuse me, I don’t mean to be rude, but am I LITERALLY the only person still on the sales floor?!”

Customer #1: “I think so!”

Customer #2: “No, there’s still the guy at the electronics booth, but he’s got a longer line than you.”

Front Manager: *over walkie-talkie* “[My Name] to the front end for a code one.”

Me: *back to him* “I’ve got almost a dozen people I’m trying to help right now. I’ll be up ASAP.”

Front Manager: “We really need you up here; make it quick.”

(I “make it quick” as much as I can, but for every person I help that’s just “it’s aisle B6 on the back end,” there’s two that need product checked in the storage room, or need help getting down a bike, or simply expects me to run and grab things and bring them back. Needless to say, the manager is getting more irate, and almost calling “code one” faster than I can help individuals.)

Customer: “Is there some sort of emergency? He keeps calling codes.”

Me: “No, that’s just calling me up for register assistance.”

(I pick up the walkie talkie, but the little old lady next to me suddenly snatches it out of my hand!)

Lady: “This boy’s the only person you have out here and he’s bending over backwards to help us all! Leave him alone and check those people out yourself!”

(I got yelled at for “allowing” her to do that… Worth it, though, especially for the cheers of the people around.)

(I am in the process of trying to sort out a discrepancy with a our inventory while trying to help customers at the same time. A group of three enters the store, two wandering off and one approaching the counter.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking into buying [Expensive Electronic] for my son. What models do you have?”

(We go over them, and discuss the promotions currently going on, and the customer decides on which one to get.)

Me: “All right! I’ll be right back with that for you!”

(I head to the back where we store all the really pricey stuff, but have a hard time finding that model since it’s more or less buried in a stack of other models of the same device. When I leave, the customers are gone and my coworker is nearby helping another.)

Me: “Hey, what happened to those guys? I had to get this for them.”

Coworker: “He said he was having trouble getting a hold of his son, so he’s going to be back later to get that and a few extras all at once.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll just hold this for him.”

(I go back to trying to sort out the discrepancy, only to find… a stack of said product – as well as another – missing. This isn’t unusual, since it was a messy area and we move things all the time.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], do you know where the [Product] that were here are? I’m still working on that discrepancy. [Other Product] that was stacked with them has been moved, too.”

Coworker: “No, I don’t.”

(We look around, but no luck, and come to the conclusion the three from before got behind the counter and took them, using the pretense of buying [Expensive Product] as a distraction. Checking the tapes shows we were right. The only reason we caught it so soon after instead of finding out days later was because they happened to steal the exact product I was in the middle of counting.)

(It is within my first few months at my job. I have a customer wanting to exchange a bag of salad because he insists that it went bad too quickly. I ask him to grab another bag and I’ll make the exchange.)

Me: “Sir, these bags don’t match. This one is Dole, but the one you brought is something different.”

Customer: “Yeah, uh, you guys are out of that one.”

(I’m still learning the store’s inventory, so I continue to attempt the exchange.)

Me: “Sir, the barcode had been ripped open. I can’t exchange it if I can’t scan it.”

Customer: “Can’t you just scan this one?” *gestures to the new bag*

Me: “No, I can’t do that.”

(I continue to examine the bag and notice it lists the website of our competitor, which I know is closed at that time of night.)

Me: “You didn’t get this salad here; you got it at [Competitor.]”

Customer: “No, I got it here. I think it’s just listing the website.”

Me: “I can’t exchange it if it’s not something we carry. You need to take it to [Competitor.]”

Customer: “But they’re closed!”

(I continued to explain to him that I couldn’t exchange it. After that, he left. I could tell he was upset, but I still to this day wonder why he was so intent on exchanging a $2 bag of salad at that exact moment.)

(I am 14. I recently bought a wired Xbox 360 controller. Not liking the controller I decide to return it with my mother. There is a small line at the return counter with only one person working there.)

Me: “Hi. Can I return this controller, please?”

Employee: *sarcastically* “Yeah, I just need to see some ID.”

Me: “Why do I need ID for a return? I never used to need ID.”

Employee: “It’s a new policy. Anyone under 18 needs an ID to return something, because kids tend to steal things and return them for drug money!”

Two People In Back Of Me: “That doesn’t make any sense. That was never a store policy.”

Random Person: *who clearly knows Employee* “Yeah, [Employee]! That’s not store policy, you made that up. You’re always so miserable working here; just give the kid the return.”

(He reluctantly gave in, but was visibly pissed off. Later my mother filed an online complaint, and the manager personally gave me a $20 gift card, and said that there was never such a policy and Employee had been spoken to!)

(I’m a few years older than my boss, and I also have technical seniority over him; of all of us who work at our small store, I’m the only remaining employee who was hired when it first opened several years ago. We’ve just brought in a seasonal worker for the holiday, and I describe my relationship with the manager by saying that “He’s like the little brother I never wanted.” The three of us are working one day when it’s very slow, so the manager and I get into a discussion about his wardrobe. It quickly turns into a playful banter, and the new guy is laughing.)

Me: “See? I told you. He’s like the little brother I never wanted.”

Boss: “Yeah, well, you’re the employee I never wanted.”

Me: “Too bad for you; I came with the store!”

(New Guy cracked up at this. He’s already expressing disappointment at having to leave when the season is over.)