Manners Go Down The Toilet
Me: “Hi, and welcome to [Establishment].”
Guest: “TOILET!”
Me: *with a slight bow* “Toilet to you too, sir.”
Will Go Crazy At This Rate
(I walk into my hotel to check in when I see the receptionist hold up her hand to acknowledge me with a smile as she is taking a phone call. She has a very fixed smile on her face.)
Receptionist: “No, sir. I am sorry, our room rates start at £60 a night with bed and breakfast. I’m afraid we wouldn’t be able to give you a rate of £50. Yes, sir, I am checking your name now. The last time you stayed with us was June last year when the rate was lower.”
(I can hear the guy on the other end now getting angrier and the receptionist is smiling serenely the whole damn time.)
Receptionist: “Unfortunately, sir, my superior has left the office for the day… No, sir, I cannot call her… No, sir, you cannot have her number to call her… Unfortunately, sir, I am unable to adjust the rate… I can appreciate your predicament, sir, but I am unable to lower the rate as it is a set rate.”
(At this point, I can actually hear the guy swearing down the phone at the receptionist and she’s just smiling.)
Receptionist: “Thank you, sir. I will of course pass on those comments. I am sure they will help my supervisor with my staff appraisal. Have a good day, sir. ‘Bye.” *she takes a deep breath, smiles at me, and says* “Every Saturday… Can I help you, sir?”
His Haggling Has Rooms For Improvement
(I work as a front desk clerk at a mid/low range hotel it was about mid-shift but my boss who usually takes over for me is there. Two customers come in, both old men.)
Customer: “Here is my coupon. I have AAA and AARP and I am also a veteran.”
Me: “Sir, you may only use one discount per room.”
Customer: “Well, if you come with the room, I’ll take it.”
Me: *said with a straight face* “Sir, if you need all those discounts to this hotel then you can not afford me.”
Customer’s Friend: *as he laughs* “You’ve lost your touch, old man.”
This story is part of our Hagglers roundup.
Read the next Hagglers roundup story!
Read the Hagglers roundup!
The Mother Of All Screams
(I’m new, on my first week, training with a manager. So far, everything has been going very well. The phone rings and my manager gestures me to pick it up.)
Me: “Thank you for calling [Motel]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you?”
Old Lady: “Gimme [Manager].”
Manager: *mouths* “Who is it?”
Me: “Who is it?”
(The old lady pauses, then angrily screams Tarzan-like. It sounds like ‘EHAHHHEHHHHHAHHHH!’. It is earsplitting, and I have to hold the phone away.)
Me: “I’m… sorry? I don’t understand—”
(The old lady continues screaming it without taking a breath. Worried that she might be having a seizure, I look at my manager. She takes the phone and says hello but the old lady hangs up.)
Me: *bug-eyed* “Wuh, what was that all about?”
Manager: *matter-of -factly* “My mom. She hates when you ask who she is. You should have said that I asked who it is.” *ignores my shock*
Me: “Riiight…”
(Thankfully the old lady didn’t call back ever again. I switched jobs soon after, and the same thing happened at my new job! Wow.)
Not The Key To Success
(I’m the customer here. In the 1970s my wife and I, from the UK, treat ourselves to a luxury holiday, visiting the USA for the first time. When we register at our up-market hotel, I’m given a keycard for the room. It’s the first time I’ve seen one.)
Receptionist: “Here’s your keycard, sir. Just swipe it in the slot on your room door to open it.”
Me: “Thank you.”
(I collect my suitcase and walk with my wife to the elevator. Putting down my suitcase, I check my pocket for the keycard, but it’s not there, so I walk back to reception (about 15 yards).)
Me: “Err, I’ve lost my keycard between here and the elevator. That must be a record?”
Receptionist: “Pretty much, sir. Here’s a replacement. Enjoy your stay!”