(My family and I are in Virginia Beach for my grandparents’ 30th anniversary. We are getting ready to go to where they are renewing their vows, and my parents are insisting that we dress up.)

Me: *as my dad is tying my tie* “Why do I have to dress up? Why can’t I just wear a nice polo and some khakis or something?”

Dad: “Because we are pretty much going to a wedding, so we need to dress up.”

Me: *reluctantly* “Okay.”

(We go out into the hall to wait for my grandparents, after a few minutes my grandpa comes out wearing EXACTLY what I described.)

Grandpa: *completely serious* “What are you guys so dressed up for?”

Me: *gives my parents an “I told you so!” look*

(There’s no smoking in the hotel rooms, so my mom’s outside smoking a cigarette. We like to tease our mom that she’s secretly smoking pot.)

Sister #1: “Hey, [Sister #2], when Mom comes back in, ask her why she was smoking a doobie.”

Sister #2: “What?”

Me: “We promise we’re not making you say anything bad. She’ll probably either think it’s hysterical or ask us what we’re telling you.”

(Mom comes back in.)

Sister #2: “Mom, why are you smoking a dookie?”

Mom: “What?! What are you both telling her?!”

(We had to explain to her over our own hysterical laughter that that wasn’t quite what we’d told her to say.)

(I check in a young, very attractive couple on a Friday evening.)

Me: “That’s it; you’re all set. Enjoy your stay!”

Girl: “Oh, we will. I’m touring my boyfriend’s college and he decided to make it a romantic night instead of staying in his dorm!”

(Come Sunday I’m working the desk when I see the young man running through the lobby, completely naked. Hot on his heels is an older man, and following him is the girl also very naked.)

Girl: *yelling* “Dad, stop!”

(Security managed to stop the dad, but the boyfriend was out the door and down the street before they could stop him. The police brought him back a few hours later, laughing their asses off. Apparently Dad had gotten a fraud alert when his daughter used her card out of state and had noticed some interesting purchases. Mom came in a few days later and made Dad apologize.)

(For the last 15 minutes, I have taken notice that a guest sitting in the breakfast area keeps on eyeing the front desk. As we get busy with check-outs, I stop paying attention to the man. Just when it starts to slow down, the man walks toward the front desk.)

Guest: “I have been staring at the most gorgeous lady for the last 30 minutes.”

Me: “Oh, who?”

Guest: “You, silly!”

Me: *laughs* “Now that’s a lie.”

Guest: “So, what are you doing after work?”

(I tell him that I have a few urgent priorities that need attending to. He understands. We begin talking about our backgrounds, and he asks me what I did besides working. I tell him that I am a college student, studying psychology at a university nearby.)

Guest: “Oh! How nice! I graduated 13 years ago from my university!”

(And then there was a pause, in which both of us counted in our heads how much older he was than me, approximately. And as realization hit his face, he quickly muttered a “thank you” and “take care” and walked out of the lobby. I could not help but burst into giggles.)

(One of my best friends went on a trip to DC for an orchestra performance. He shared a hotel room with an autistic kid that is in the same grade as both of us. After he gets back he tells me about what happened on one of those nights. Note: the hotel rooms are one bedroom with two beds and one bathroom.)

Autistic Kid: *climbs into [Friend]’s bed with [Friend] trying to go to sleep*

Friend: “What are you doing?”

Autistic Kid: “I forgot which bed I’m in.”

Friend: “So… why didn’t you go into the bed that I’m not in.”

Autistic Kid: “I thought maybe we were sharing a bed.”

Friend: “No…”