(All students in my class are around 15/16 years old. All have very strong Welsh accents.)
Student #1: “Miss, do you like Little Wayne?”
Me: “I don’t really know who he is…”
Student #1: “Really? Can I show you a picture of him?”
Me: “I have no interest in Little Wayne, Big Wayne, or any other type of Wayne.”
Student #2: “What about Wayne Rooney?”
Me: “No…”
Student #3: “Ooooh, ooooh! What about Shun-iat Wayne!”
(We all fall silent, baffled, before realizing that she genuinely means Shania Twain. Student #1 stares at her for a few seconds, before shaking his head in wonder.)
Student #1: “…you are somethin’ else.”
(I am a high school biochemistry teacher. My students are working on a yeast metabolism experiment, and a group of kids are whispering to one of their members to ask me something.)
Me: “Hey, guys. Ask me what?”
Student: “Um… okay. I was wondering… can you get a yeast infection from eating bread?”
Me: “Uh … wrong species, and wrong infection route.”
Student: “Unless you’re really bad at eating bread.”
(Our high school band is planning a department trip to Puerto Rico.)
Director: “Good news, everyone! We’ve made it through another layer of bureaucracy, which means we’re closer to Puerto Rico!”
Student: “‘Layer’? How many layers are there?”
Director: “Oh, well, bureaucracy is like an onion. You have to peel through layer after layer after layer, and you’re crying the whole way through.”
(We are doing an experiment about osmosis, using a porous material which needs to be stretched into a sausage shape.)
Teacher: “Now everyone, remember to pull it tight. I don’t want to see any floppy sausages.”
Male Student: *struggling* “Aargh, how does this even work?”
Teacher: “Can I take a look?”
Male Student: “Here you go, sir.”
(The teacher examines his work.)
Teacher: “The next time I come round, I want your sausage to be firm. Is that clear?”
(The student turns bright red, and everyone bursts out laughing.)
(I am a pre-service teacher, completing my experience before I can graduate and register. I am put on the roster on at my school for Tuesday afternoon detention. The school I am at rarely has anyone in detention, but this afternoon I am supervising two girls.)
Me: “So, get out your diary girls. Your instructions are to copy out the code of conduct until your time is up.”
(At this point we all settle in for what should be an hour detention. However after about 45 minutes, they’ve been perfectly behaved, and I’ve been told I can release them early if this is the case.)
Me: “Alright girls, you’ve both been great this afternoon. You can head off early.”
Girl #1: “But I’m almost finished!”
Girl #2: “Me too! Can we stay and finish it off?”
Me: “I… I guess?”
(We stayed for another ten minutes. Later on I told a fellow pre-service teacher what happened, citing that no one was going to believe me at university, that students requested to stay in detention longer.)
