(My Chemistry teacher has been known to go on ridiculous tangents from time to time. We are discussing mixtures.)

Student: “Is air a homogeneous or heterogeneous mixture?”

(Our teacher exhales slowly, a sure sign that a tangent is presenting itself.)

Teacher: “Wouldn’t it suck if air wasn’t a homogeneous mixture? You’d be walking down the street one day, and you’d hit a pocket of air that didn’t have any oxygen in it. And then you’d suffocate! But then you’d stumble forward and hit a pocket of air that was full of oxygen—”

Me: “Here it goes…”

Teacher: “And then you’d BLOW UP!”

(My friends and I are sitting at our regular lunch table, when some nearby jocks start yet another food fight. One of them throws a fruit cup that just misses my friend’s head, and instead hits his bottle of soda.)

Friend: “Th-this Tampico bottle… it saved my life.”

Me: “It was just a fruit cup; I wouldn’t necessarily say it saved your—”

Friend: “Tampico never forget!”

Me: “Dude, calm down. It’s just a bottle—”

Friend: “TAMPICO NEVER FORGET!”

(Another friend decides to intervene.)

Other Friend: “Maybe it’s just best to let him have his moment.”

(Our friend runs out of cafeteria, holding the bottle in his hand raised triumphantly above his head.)

Friend: “TAMPICO NEVER FORGET!”

(My friends and I are sitting at our regular lunch table, when some nearby jocks start yet another food fight. One of them throws a fruit cup that just misses my friend’s head, and instead hits his bottle of soda.)

Friend: “Th-this Tampico bottle… it saved my life.”

Me: “It was just a fruit cup; I wouldn’t necessarily say it saved your—”

Friend: “Tampico never forget!”

Me: “Dude, calm down. It’s just a bottle—”

Friend: “TAMPICO NEVER FORGET!”

(Another friend decides to intervene.)

Other Friend: “Maybe it’s just best to let him have his moment.”

(Our friend runs out of cafeteria, holding the bottle in his hand raised triumphantly above his head.)

Friend: “TAMPICO NEVER FORGET!”

(It’s my first day back to school after being out sick for four days with the flu. I find out that day that I have a unit test in my math class. Normally a student in this situation is allowed to make up the test at a later date. However, our teacher is absent, and a substitute is administering the test.)

Me: “Excuse me, I’ve been out sick all week and I just found out about the test.”

Substitute: “What do you want me to do about it?”

Me: “[Teacher’s name] would let me take the test at a later date.”

Substitute: “Well, I have no proof that you’ve been out all week, and your teacher didn’t leave me anything about letting a student not take the test. Besides, how do I know you’re not lying to me to get out of it?”

(One of my classmates stands up to defend me.)

Classmate: “[My name] wouldn’t do that. She has been out sick all week. Today’s been the first day she’s been in school all week.”

Substitute: “Like I said, I have no proof that she’s been out all week. You’re going to take the test whether you want to or not.”

Classmate: “Well [my name], I tried.”

Me: “It’s alright.”

(I end up taking the test. When our teacher hands it back during the next class, I find out that I’ve failed the test with a score of 49%. After that class, my teacher pulls me aside.)

Teacher: “What was up with your test score? You’ve never gotten anything lower than 80% on tests. Where did the 49% come from?”

Me: “I was out sick with the flu all last week. I found out about the test the day of.”

Teacher: “Why did you take it?”

Me: “The sub made me take it. When I tried to tell her that I had been out sick all week, she accused me of lying. [Classmate] even tried to stick up for me.”

Teacher: “I’m sorry you had to take the test on Friday. Come down during your study period later today, and you can retake the test.”

(I retook the test, and ended up getting 89%!)

(I discover I have scoliosis at a very young age and it has a visible impact on my flexibility and posture. It also leaves me with headaches, cramping, and uncontrollable muscle spasms. This is all on my school records due to multiple visits to the nurse and doctors notes from missing school. My junior ROTC instructor appears to be unaware of my condition as we do special stretches.)

Instructor: “Come on [my name]! You can bend farther then that! Really stretch into it!”

Me: “Yes sir, I’m doing my best.”

Instructor: “I know you can do better then that! Fine, since you want to slack off, you’ll be helping me demonstrate the next stretch. You’ll really be able to feel it in your lower back.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

Instructor: “I said move it Private!”

(Not wanting to get in trouble, I step forward. He instructs me to lay face-up on the mat on the floor.)

Instructor: “Alright, for the next one you have to tuck your hand under your back, right at your hips. Then, keeping your legs perfectly straight, lift your feet up six inches from the floor and hold it.”

(I try to do as he instructs, but after a few seconds my feet drop.)

Instructor: “You’ll have to do better then that. Everybody on the floor. Get into position, and we’ll hold for a count of one hundred! On my count!”

(I keep trying to hold it, but it’s putting to much strain on my back. Even though I’m having muscle spasms, I try to soldier through but I start crying loudly from the pain.)

Instructor: “Alright [my name], if that was too hard for you, we’re going to run a mile instead. Everyone on your feet! [My name], I said on your feet!”

Me: “I can’t… I can’t move!”

(Our class commander is really worried now, and decides to step in.)

Class Commander: “Sir, I don’t think she can stand on her own. May I take her to the nurse?”

Instructor: “She’s fine! You see girls like this every year; they want to join the Junior ROTC program but they don’t want to do any hard work. Well, it’s my job to whip them into shape!”

Class Commander: “If you haven’t noticed sir, Private [my name] is crying uncontrollably, and convulsing on the floor at your feet. I’m pretty sure she’s in serious pain, and not just trying to get out of a little exercise. I’m taking her to the nurse now.”

(The incident is brought to the attention of our principal, who has a little chat with my instructor. I get a free write-off on any and all exercises I deem too difficult or strenuous to my condition.)