(I’m working our drive-thru lanes with another teller. A customer comes through our business lane and asks that I exchange some coins for him. I do this, give him cash back in a sealed money envelope, and he drives off. 10 minutes later, he comes back through the drive-thru…)

Customer: *to me* “You! You didn’t give me enough cash back!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “YOU SHORTED ME $20! GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Is it stuck to another one of the bills, sir?”

Customer: “Of course not. This is what you gave me. I want my d*** money right now!”

Me: “Let me go count my drawer and I’ll see if I can find that $20 for you.”

(I count my entire drawer, and discover I balance perfectly.)

Me: “Sir, my drawer is perfectly balanced. Are you sure the $20 isn’t stuck to something else?”

Customer: “I don’t give a flying s*** if your drawer is f*****g balanced! You cheated me out of my d*** $20 and I want you to give it to me RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Please don’t use that language with me.”

Customer: “I can talk however the h*** I want!”

Me: “I’ll ask you again to not to use that language with me. What I will do is get a supervisor to count my drawer again.”

Customer: “You tell your supervisor to get her a** over here right f*****g now!”

(I grab a supervisor. She counts my drawer slowly and makes sure the customer can see her through the window. Again, it comes up balanced.)

Supervisor: “Sir? Her drawer is coming up balanced. I’ve checked her transaction history and it’s showing she gave you the $20.”

Customer: “SHE DID NOT! SHE CHEATED ME OUT OF MY $20! CHECK HER!”

Me: “EXCUSE ME?!”

Supervisor: “I’m not going to do that. I have no proof that she did anything other than give it to you.”

Customer: “GET ME A NEW TELLER AND MY $20 OR I’M GOING TO ANOTHER BANK!”

Coworker: “Sir, did you look on your seat for the $20?”

Customer: *looks down* “…Oh. Here it is. Right on my seat.”

Supervisor: “Good, I’m glad you found it. Now, have a nice day.”

Customer: “I just wanted to make sure that you didn’t cheat me. I don’t like to be cheated. I guess I’m sorry.”

(My jaw drops. I click the drive-thru mic off and mouth “Shame on you” at the customer as he drives away.)

Supervisor: “A**hole.” *looks at me and my coworker* “Sorry! I shouldn’t have said that. Are you okay, [My Name]?”

Me: “Yeah, you only said what we all were thinking…”

(I work at a bank in a small lake-side city with lots of retired older folks. While working the drive-thru I have this exchange.)

Me: “Good morning!”

Customer: “I want to exchange this for 500 dollar bills.”

(He places a stack of 20s, 50s, and 100s in the drawer.)

Me: “Sir… I’m sorry we don’t have any 500s I can exchange the smaller bills for one hundred dollar bi—“

Customer: “That’s bull-s***! I BUY 500 DOLLAR BILLS ALL THE TIME! THE BANK ORDERS THEM FOR ME!”

Me: “Sir, we can’t even order those bills; they stopped printing them back in the 1970s.”

(The customer glares at me for a few moments, grabs his money out of the drawer and points at me.)

Customer: “I know what’s going on here. You’re covering for him.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “This is Obama’s doing!”

(I call up next member in line.)

Me: “How can I help you today sir?”

(The member does not look up or reply, just throws ID and a check onto counter.)

Me: “What are we looking to do with the check today, sir?”

Member: “Balances after.”

Me: “I’d be happy to provide balance information… but what are we doing with the check today?”

Member: “Deposit and cash.”

Me: “Okay, how much would we like to deposit today?”

Member: “Cash deposit.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what you’re asking to do. Would you like to cash the check or deposit today?”

Member: “Deposit cash check.”

Me: “I can either give you cash for the check, or I can put the check into your account. I just need to know what you would like to do today?”

Member: “Oh, put it in my account.”

(While working in a bank’s head office, around twenty colleagues and I get stuck in the elevator.)

Me: *pressing security call button* “Hello, the elevator has stopped between floors and won’t restart.”

Security: “I apologize for that. We will tell maintenance to come let you out. Could you please tell me who all is in the elevator?”

Me: “[My Name], and [twenty other lower-level bank employees].”

Security: “Thank you. We will inform your managers.”

Me: “Thank you.”

(Security hangs up.)

Man Behind Me: “You idiot! Why didn’t you name a manager or executive? We’re going to be stuck here for hours. They’re not going to rush for us!”

Me: “Oops.”

(He was right; we were in there for more than an hour. Next time, I’m naming an executive or two!)

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(I am working as a bank teller at a branch near our city’s mall, so a lot of my customers are mall employees either making deposits, getting change for their stores, or cashing their paychecks. I am waiting on a newer employee from one of the men’s clothing stores, and since I don’t know his name yet I have been referring to him in my head as Tie Guy.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Tie Guy: “I just need to get my paycheck cashed, please.”

Me: “No problem, it’ll be just a minute.” *processes his check through the computer* “Would you like it back any certain way?”

(I always ask because some customers are extremely picky about their money.)

Tie Guy: *jokingly* “American currency is fine.”

(I reach under my counter and pull out a $10 box of rolled pennies, which is pretty heavy and makes a loud thud when it hits the countertop.)

Me: *also jokingly* “I hope you brought a suitcase, then. It’s going to take a lot of boxes.”

(Tie Guy just stares at the box, then me for a few seconds, and then starts laughing.)

Tie Guy: “Maybe I should be more specific next time?”

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