(My husband is engrossed in something on his laptop, and I’m looking for a certain TV show on the DVR. I finally find it.)

Me: *to myself* “There! I knew I was missing one!”

Husband: “I was too listening!”

(We have just finished dinner at my husband’s parent’s house. I am randomly poking and tickling him. He is giggling and fighting me off. He suddenly raises his hand and waves it at me.)

Husband: “AVADA KEDAVRA!”

Me: *gasps in shock* “Did… did you just use the killing curse against me?”

Husband: “I was desperate.”

His father: “Don’t use killing curses against your wife.”

Related
Totally, Like, Sectumsempra
(from NotAlwaysRight):
Totally, Like, Aguamenti
Totally, Like, Excruciatus

(My boyfriend and I go to different colleges. He has come by for a visit.)

Me: “Just so you know, I’m dyeing my hair red over spring break.”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, you told me. Why do you keep doing this?”

Me: “I miss having red hair.”

Boyfriend: “I just can’t see you with red hair. You look so much better with brown or black hair.”

Me: “But my hair was red when you met me.”

Boyfriend: “Yes, and it was very distinctive, but that didn’t mean it looked good on you!”

(My fiancée is feeling really sick.)

Fiancée: “I don’t feel so good, I think I’m going to go to bed.”

Me: “That’s probably a good idea. That stomach bug has been going around a lot recently. You should take it easy.”

(I give her a hug and notice that she has the ‘sick’ smell that people sometimes get when they’re ill.)

Me: “Good night, sleep well, and try to smell better.”

Fiancée: “I…what?”

Me: “Feel better. I meant feel!”

Fiancée: “That’ll probably be funnier when I’m not feeling like crap.”

(My boyfriend and I order a couple of bacon cheeseburgers. He offers to pay.)

Me: “Thank you, hon. I love you.”

Boyfriend: “I love you, too.”

Me: “Of course you love me, you’re buying me bacon!”

(The cashier cracks up and gives us one of their collectible cups for free, for being ‘sufficiently adorable’.)

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With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility