Plankton & W.I.F.E., The Early Years

| Romantic | October 21, 2011

(Note that my fiancé has, shall we say, attention problems. This occurs the night before finals week my fourth year in college. My fiancé is cuddling with me while I’m trying to fall asleep.)

Fiancé: *pokes me very frantically*

Me: “Yes, dear?”

Fiancé: *continues poking*

Me: “What, dear?”

Fiancé: *pokes a few more times, than says excitedly* “Do you know what that is?

Me: “What, dear?”


(Apparently, he had been poking the rhythm to the Spongebob Squarepants theme song into my arm. Needless to say, it was a very long night.)

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If You’re Gonna Break The Ice, Might As Well Spill It Too

| Romantic | October 21, 2011

(I am here at this college for one month during the summer as part of a special program. I am sitting with a couple of my friends in the dining hall at the end of the table. We are talking and laughing when a tall, really cute blonde guy walks up.)

Guy: “Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?”

(My friend Ashley and I stare at each other, perplexed and expecting the worst from this guy.)

Guy: “Enough to break the ice! Hi, my name is Will.”

(He shakes my hand and turns to shake Ashley’s when he knocks her cup over. The water spills on the table and the ice goes bouncing across the floor.)

Guy: “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! Let me go re-fill your cup!”

(He runs off and everyone at my end of the table is just staring at each other, open-mouthed. Then he comes back with the refilled cup.)

Guy: “Here you go! I’m just gonna, um, go back over here now…”

(He hurries off, red-faced and everyone bursts out laughing. It was just too adorable!)

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Not The Kind Of Arches I’d Imagined

| Romantic | October 20, 2011

(My boyfriend and I are eating lunch at a fast food restaurant known for its iconic arches. The decor of this particular establishment is a bit tacky, with plastic gold candelabras, “fancy” wallpaper, and paintings. We’ve been together a while and have been planning on getting married.)

Me: “I don’t understand why someone would decorate a [fast food restaurant] like this.”

Boyfriend: “I know. Can you imagine how many people have been married in these places?”

Me: “Oh, I know.”

Boyfriend: “Or how many people have gotten engaged in one?”

Me: *laughs* “Probably too many to count.”

Boyfriend: “Well, there’s about to be one more!” *reaches under the table*

Me: *speechless*

Boyfriend: “I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Oh, you should see your face right now!”

Me: *fuming* “I can’t believe you did that!”

Boyfriend: *laughing*

(He proposed for real a few months later, and we got married the following year.)

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The Frog And I

| Romantic | October 20, 2011

Me: “I like this boy at school. I want to marry him!”

Mom: “That’s nice, but aren’t you a little young? You’re only 15.”

Me: “Well, when I grow up. He’s my Prince Charming! We’re going to live happily ever after. Nothing will change that!”

Mom: “That’s a nice dream.”

Me: “Dream? No, it’s gonna be real! Doesn’t everyone marry their Prince Charming?”

Mom: “Everyone wants to, but you know, real life isn’t always a fairy tale ending. I wanted to marry my Prince Charming when I was younger.”

Me: “Didn’t you?”

Mom: “No, I married your Dad instead.”

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Pass The Trial, Walk Down The Aisle

| Romantic | October 19, 2011

(I answer the phone at home. A female caller answers.)

Me: “Yup?”

Female caller: “Hello! Is this [name]?”

Me: “That’s me.”

Female caller: “Great! I need your help with something?”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Female caller: “Will you marry me?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Female caller: “Yes, I said if you wanted to marry me?”

Me: “I don’t know who you are, first of all.”

Female caller: “I’m [name I don’t recognize]. Now, will you?”

Me: “Uh…no. First of all, I have a girlfriend. Second, I’m engaged. Third and final, I’m getting married next week. Better luck with someone else.

Female caller: “So you’re not marrying me?”

Me: “I wouldn’t marry you unless you’re my girlfriend.”

Female caller: “I see. That’s a shame.”

Me: “Huh?”

Female caller: “I am your girlfriend, you dumba**!”

(We still ended up getting married; she was just wondering how faithful I was, apparently!)

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