(I’m female, work in an electronics store and I have a fairly large chest. The uniform the company provides doesn’t really cover everything, so I wear a shirt underneath to cover my cleavage.)

Customer: “Do you have no modesty?! Cover yourself!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Women with breasts like that shouldn’t be flaunting about. This isn’t a night club!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I’m fairly certain I have everything covered. If you have a problem with my uniform, may I suggest you bring it up with my manager?”

(At this point she walks away, mumbling to herself. Anytime I see her, she’s glaring at me. Some time later she approaches me again.)

Customer: “You think you’re so special, don’t you? Probably take men out to the back and give them a show for tips! I bet that’s just a part of some skanky lingerie under there!” *pointing to my camisole I’m wearing under my top*

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to ask you to take your things to the front to pay for them and let me get back to work here.”

(At this point she lunges at me and attempts to rip my shirt off. She actually snaps off a few of the buttons in the process. A co-worker and my manager drag her off of me and out of the store.)

Manager: “Well… that was a show!”

(He gave me the last couple hours of my shift off and some cash to go buy a new shirt. Didn’t have to wear that uniform anymore!)

(I am helping in the pillows department. I have been showing a customer some soft polyester pillows, as she seems to like them.)

Customer #1: “Hmm, what’s that one over there? It looks nice.”

Me: “Oh, that’s a memory foam pillow. It’s quite a bit firmer than the one you’re looking at there. Here, you can feel it.”

Customer #1: *squeezes pillow* “Oh, yuck! As if anyone could sleep on that, it’s like a brick!”

(She continues in this vein for some time, until I show her some feather ones and leave her to browse them. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer #2: “I’m looking for the cheapest pillows you’ve got!”

Me: “Okay, well we have this twin pack of polyester pillows over here for $10!”

Customer #2: “Oh, that’s a good price.” *squeezes pillows* “Eww, they’re way too soft! I could never sleep on that, there’s no support in them!”

Me: “In that case, you would probably like a memory foam or latex pillow.”

(I spend some time showing her the harder kinds of pillows. Suddenly I notice that Customer #1 is standing in front of me looking very disapproving.)

Customer #1: “You told me that a soft one would be better!”

Customer #2: “Well, she told me that hard ones are better!”

(They glare at each other for a few seconds, then both turn on me.)

Customer #2: “Which ones are really better?”

Me: “Uh, well neither kind is better than the other. A lot of people like polyester and feather ones because their head sinks in to it and they have a comfortable night’s sleep, plus they’re much cheaper. But some people need more support, especially if they have a back or neck problem. A lot of chiropractors suggest memory foam and latex pillows for that.”

Customer #1: “Oh, yeah? Well I bet you have these ones on your bed because they’re better!”

Customer #2: “Pfft, yeah right… she would have these ones!”

Customer #1: “Nuh uh!”

Me: *cutting into the nonsense* “Well, actually I have two [brand] memory foam pillows on my bed, and two [brand] polyester pillows on my bed. Sometimes I feel more comfortable with the hard ones, sometimes the soft ones, other times one of each! It means I get to pick and choose each night.”

(The customers both look like they have been hit in the face with one of our gourmet fry-pans. They make eye contact, then silently begin browsing different pillows. Even better: I later saw each of them leave later on, both of them carrying two hard and two soft pillows!)

(At our summer camp, we have a new shower house/bathroom building installed. With it came a septic system. The covers of the tanks are simply planks of wood. This causes some kids to walk over the short fence around the leech field, and bounce on the planks of wood. It is nearly lunch time, and I’m with some of my family and co-workers.)

1st kid: “Woo!” *starts bouncing on plank*

Mom: *shouting at 1st kid* “Hey! Get out of there!”

(The wood slides around, and his leg falls into the tank.)

1st kid: “Eww! What is that?”

Mom: “You see that building behind you?”

1st kid: “Yeah?”

Mom: “That’s the bathrooms”

1st kid: “Yuck! I just fell in poop?!?”

Mom: “Yep.”

1st kid: *running to clean himself off* “Eww!”

(A short while later, a 2nd kid starts bouncing on plank.)

Mom: *looks at 2nd kid* “Get off of that!”

(As she turns her head around, we all hear a splash.)

Mom: “Did he just…?”

Younger brother: “Yep.”

(With that, my 5’10 younger brother runs to the tanks, and pulls the kid out, with one hand.)

2nd kid: *visibly shocked* “What was that?”

Younger brother: *plainly* “That was poop. You need to take a shower”

2nd kid: “Okay…” *starts heading to campsite”

Mom: “No. You need to shower in your clothes, and then head to get new clothes, then shower again.”

2nd kid: “Okay…”

(After he gets in…)

Older brother: “I bet he’s going to have a crappy day.”

(We all look at each other, and laugh at the pun he accidentally made. We continue on with it.)

1st coworker: “A really crappy day.”

2nd coworker: “He’s going to be in deep doo-doo.”

Me: “Yep. Waste deep.”

Coworker: “No, he’s swimmin’ in da poo-l!”

(I am signaled that I am needed elsewhere.)

Me: “This is a crappy conversation; I’m leaving.”

(I’m at a chain company pharmacy/mini-stores getting a bottle of water. As I pass by the pharmacy, I witness an exchange between a very burly, muscular customer and a short, skinny female clerk.)

Customer: “I need to refill my prescription.”

Clerk: “Well, I’m sorry, but according to our systems, you have no refills left. You’ll need to contact your doctor and get a new prescription.”

Customer: “What?! I want my pills. Give me my pills!”

(The exchange continues for a while, with the customer getting more and more agitated. The clerk appears to be frightened and close to tears. The commotion is drawing the attention of the people around.)

Customer: “You dumb b****, are you f***ing stupid? Give me my pills or there will be a problem.”

(At this point, I step between him and the clerk behind the counter.)

Me: “Look buddy, she already said that she’s not giving you pills and told you what to do. So you better just listen to her, leave, and stop making an a** of yourself.”

(For a moment he looks like he is going to hit me, then just stomps away swearing under his breath.)

Me: *to the clerk* “I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

Clerk: “It’s alright. Thank you for that. Here, that water is on me, okay?”

(It’s the holiday season, and I’m shopping for DVDs as gifts for my family. I see a movie that I want to get for myself, but decide against it. A few minutes later, I change my mind, but the movie has disappeared. I take the rest of my purchases up to the counter, where I notice the customer in front of me is about to buy the movie I was looking for.)

Me: “Ah, so that’s where it went.”

Other customer: “Pardon me?”

Me: *chuckling* “I was thinking about getting that DVD, but when I went back to the shelf, it was gone. I couldn’t figure out what happened to it.”

Other customer: “Here you go!” *hands me the DVD*

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t really need it. You go ahead.” *I hand the DVD back to her*

Other customer: “If you want it, by all means, please take it.” *she hands me the DVD again*

Me: “Are you buying this as a gift?”

Other customer: “Well, yes, but…”

Me: “Then you should definitely take it. I’ll pick it up some other time.” *I hand the DVD back to her*

Other customer: “Are you sure? Because I can easily find something else.”

Me: “I’m positive, but thanks again.”

(At this point, we realize the cashier is staring at us with wide eyes.)

Other customer: “Miss? Is everything okay?”

Cashier: (emotionally) “You two are the only nice customers I’ve dealt with all day!”