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The customer is NOT always right!

Simple Coke For Simple Folk

, , , , , | Right | August 8, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but what is in your blackcurrant tea?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just blackcurrant tea.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

Me: “Dried blackcurrant tea leaves.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

Me: “Black. Currant. Tea.”

Customer: “But you aren’t telling me what’s in it!”

Me: “Ma’am, the tea distributors pluck leaves from a blackcurrant plant. Then, they dry them out, and package them. Then, we pour hot water over the tea leaves, which infuses the hot water with the flavor of the tea.”

Customer: “But what’s in it?”

(My boss comes over.)

Boss: “Ma’am, would you like a Coke?”


This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup!

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Read the Awesome Manager roundup!

Someone Seriously Needs A Time-Out

, , , | Right | August 8, 2008

(I was in line at a Texas-style BBQ restaurant that serves you counter-style. A Wall Street-type dressed in a very expensive designer business suit is two people ahead of me.)

Counter Guy: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “I need two pounds of moist brisket, wrapped up to go.”

Counter Guy: “Sorry, we just ran out.”

Customer: *slams fist on counter* “AAGGHH, F***! What the f***?!”

Counter Guy: “Um… I’m sorry sir. We still have plenty of the lean brisket.”

Customer: “I don’t want the f***ing lean brisket. I came all the way here for the moist. I can’t f***ing believe this s***! What the f***?”

Counter Guy: “Sir…”

Customer: “Ahh, s***! I can’t believe I came all the way the f*** up here for this s***. Of course you’re out! Why wouldn’t you f***ing have the moist? Ahh!”

Counter Guy: “Sir, really, we have the lean and it’s still very good.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the lean. I came for the moist. S***! This f***ing sucks!”

Counter Guy: “C’mon, sir, just try the lean. I’m sure you’ll like it.”

Customer: “No, I won’t! I want the moist. How the f*** can you be out? F***!”

Counter Guy: *offers a free sample of lean brisket* “I’ll give you some to try. Please, sir, just try it.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll try the d*** lean!”

(He takes a bite.)

Customer: *completely calm* “Yeah. Yeah, that’s not bad at all. I’ll take two pounds to go, please.”


This story is part of the Customers-Overreacting roundup!

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Crimes of Opportunity

, , , | Right | August 8, 2008

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Young Customer: “My wireless connection isn’t working. Can you take a look at it?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.”

(I get his laptop set-up and test the wireless. It picks up the store wireless with no problem.)

Me: “Well, pal, it looks like your laptop is working just fine. It’s possible that it could be your router that’s the problem.”

Young Customer: “I don’t have a router. I was just using a neighbor’s. They left and all the other signals are weak or locked.”

Me: “Then there is not a lot I can do for you, pal.”

Young Customer: “Can’t you sell me a new wireless card so I can get a better signal?”

Me: “Yeah, sure, but that’s illegal. It’s considered theft of services to use someone’s connection without their permission.”

Young Customer: “No, it’s not. If they didn’t want people using it, they would lock it.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it is illegal. If I was to steal your car because you left it unlocked and got caught, I would still go to jail.”

Young Customer: “That’s different.”

Me: *sigh* “Sure it is. You have a nice day.”

Young Customer: *storms off*

A Little Bit Too Specific

, , , | Right | August 7, 2008

Customer: “Hi, you know your stock pretty well, right?”

Me: “Yup.”

Customer: “My wife is divorcing me, but her birthday is next week. I need a card for that.”

Me: “…I don’t think they really make a card for that occasion.”

Now You Know How We Feel

, , | Right | August 7, 2008

(It’s Sunday and I’m dressed up because I just came from church. I’m shopping at the local bed and bath store.)

Customer: “Excuse me? Where are the curtain rods?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Excuse me?!”

Me: “I don’t work here, ma’am, so I don’t know where the curtain rods are. I can help you find someone who does, though.”

Customer: “This is unacceptable. Show me where the curtain rods are.”

Me: “I hate to break this to you, but I really don’t work here. I think there is a help desk over there, though.”

Customer: *calls husband over* “Can you set her straight? I’m trying to find curtain rods and she refuses to help me!”

Husband: “Look, you are getting paid far too much money to be screwing around! Now, my wife asked you something very simple. She cannot seem to find the curtain rods. Show us where they are, or we will call your manager.”

Me: “Sir, I am sorry, but I don’t work here. I don’t know where they are.”

Husband: “I can tell a worker when I see one. No one but workers wears suits.”

Me: “I wear them for church, sir.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Yes, I’m wearing a suit because I just came from church with my family. I’m sorry I can’t help you.”

Customer: “I hate this store.”

Husband: “I know, honey, I know. Let’s just go. We can get curtain rods online!”

(I feel so sorry for the people who actually work here.)