(I’m chatting with a customer as her husband tries on some jeans.)

Me: “Oh, wow, what is that amazing smell?”

Customer: “I just baked a bunch of bacon cookies before we came here.”

Me: “Those sound so good. Oh, look, here he comes. Do they fit okay?”

(Her husband was really picky about the jeans, but after about an hour I found a few pairs they both liked.)

Customer: “How long are you working today?”

Me: “My shift’s up, but I’ll be back tomorrow.”

(The next day…)

Customer: “Hi, remember me?”

Me: “Sure do. Was everything okay with the jeans?”

Customer: “They’re awesome. I just wanted to give you these.”

(She hands me a gallon zip lock bag crammed full of bacon cookies. I’m speechless.)

Customer: “Thank you so much for all your help yesterday.”

(They were the best cookies ever. Thank you, wherever you are!)

(It’s been a long night and our store has given its 15 minute alert for customers to check out before we close the registers. I work in the children’s department and am watching a boy about eight years of age standing at the underwear display looking around nervously and fidgeting.)

Boy’s Mother: *walks over* “What are you doing?”

Boy: *whispers something, causing his mother to go red in the face*

Mother: “Are you SERIOUS? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Do you have any common sense at ALL?!”

(The boy hangs his head as his mother takes a breath. I turn to leave thinking he confessed a wrongdoing to his mom so it wasn’t my business. I’m stopped by a tap on the shoulder.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Mother: “I’m sorry to bug you, but… my son’s finger is stuck in a hole in the display.”

Me: “Really?”

Mother: “Yes, sorry about that.”

Me: *lifting up my walkie talkie* “[Boss]? I have a little boy with his finger stuck in the underwear display… It’s turning purple and I need assistance.

Boss: “Very funny.”

Me: *seriously* “No… really.”

Boss: “Oh, GOD!”

(Half the store and both managers came to help. It took a mixture of butter substitute, hand sanitizer, and neosporin to save the finger!)

(I’m working at a national retail electronics store. We’re required to attempt to collect demographic data in the form of a ZIP code, unless the customer is from another country.)

Me: “That will be [total]. May I have your ZIP code?”

Customer: “I’m from Ontario. ”

Me: “Ontario….?”

Customer: “Oh, my god! You Americans are so ignorant about any other country! You should know it’s in Canada! Honestly!”

Me: “Ma’am, there is an Ontario, Oregon and an Ontario, California in the US that I know of. Since you’re from Canada, I don’t need your information. Have a nice day.”

(The customer’s face turned red, and they left immediately.)

Related:
The Oregon Fail

This story is part of our Canada Day roundup!

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Me: “Hello! Are you interested in finding a pet today?”

Customer: *with young son* “Yes. I would like to adopt two cats.”

Me: “That’s fantastic! We have many to choose from.”

Customer: “Too bad my landlord won’t let me have more than one pet at my apartment.” *handing me her phone* “Here’s a picture of my son’s cat.”

Me: “You already have a pet?”

Customer: “Yep.”

Me: “And you want to adopt two more?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “But your landlord says you can only have one animal in your home?”

Customer: “Oh, the two cats I adopt here won’t live with me! My father just passed away and his house is lonely so they’ll live there.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear about your father, but we can’t do an adoption for cats to live alone in a house.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because we want to make sure that the animals would be properly cared for and if no one lives with them they could run out of food and water or get trapped during an emergency and you might not know about it for days.”

Customer: “Well, I’m paying for the air conditioning to be on at his house so someone should live there!”

Me: “Maybe you could live out the lease at your apartment then move in to your dad’s house.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to have to move my stuff. What if I just tell you I live there?”

Me: “Since I already know that that is a lie, I would not feel comfortable doing the adoption.”

Customer: “Do you even care about the animals here?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s why I don’t want them it have to live alone in a house. They deserve to be cared for.”

Customer: “Maybe I’ll just spend every night at the house so I know they’d be okay!”

Me: “Would your son stay with you?”

Customer: “No! He’s afraid of the house!”

Me: “So, you’re willing to let your young son live alone just so you can adopt these cats?”

Customer: “I’m gonna tell you whatever you need to hear so you’ll give me these animals!”

Me: “Ma’am, I truly am sorry that you lost your father. But the situation you are in right now simply makes me unable to let you adopt an animal from us. If you move or can provide us with written proof that your landlord will allow more pets, come back and see what cats we have at that time.”

Customer: “You’ll be hearing from my lawyer! You don’t even care what happens to these animals!” *storms out the door*

(The property owner has come in to report that there is smoke coming from the roof of the shopping center, though not directly above our store. A few customers overhear.)

Customer #1: “So, uh, what should we do?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, can we still order drinks?”

Me: “Um… well, I guess so, since we haven’t gotten an official order to evacuate.”

(Despite the commotion, no one in the café has budged. I am in the middle of making the last customer’s drinks when the store manager comes in.)

Manager: “Ladies, gentlemen, there is a fire in one of the electrical units on top of the building so we are evacuating. Anyone parked directly in front of the building will need to move their cars.”

(Most people get up to leave, but a few just look around, confused.)

Customer #3: “Can we leave our things here?”

Manager: “No. Take all of your things. The store is closing and I have no idea when we will be able to reopen.”

Customer #2: “Well what should I do?!”

Manager: “You have to leave. We’ve been given official orders to get everyone out.”

Customer #2: “But I’ve already paid for those! I don’t have my drinks yet!”

Me: “Ma’am, I will finish making these drinks, but I am leaving directly after and you will need to do the same.”

(Even as fire trucks begin to arrive and people file out, a few people wander in.)

Customer #4: “Are you still open?”

Me: “No! We are evacuating the building, there is an electrical fire on the roof!”

(They leave, obviously displeased. I hand off the drinks I was working on and run out. Amazingly, many of the people who were in our cafe are standing around, a few asking if we think we’ll reopen soon. Luckily, the fire was quickly put out, no one was hurt, and the damage was mostly cosmetic. The next day, the same woman who wouldn’t leave without her drinks comes in.)

Customer #2: “I was here when we had to evacuate yesterday! Was everyone all right?”

Me: “Yes, everyone is fine. They got the fire put out pretty quickly and none of the stores have major damage.”

Customer #2: “Well I’m just glad to hear no one was hurt. You guys are more important than coffee.” *walks away*

(A coworker, who hadn’t been working during the evacuation, looks touched.)

Coworker: “That was so nice! What a sweet thing to say.”

Me: “Yeah… just wish she had felt that way yesterday when she wouldn’t let me leave until her lattes were finished.”

Coworker: “…oh.”