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The customer is NOT always right!

Conscience: We Loves It

, , , , , , , | Right | April 23, 2008

(This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison are THE biggest event of the year. My store has many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I am at my cash register for check-out when a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

(The customer puts down a wig, some make-up, pantyhose, condoms, and lube on my register.)

Me: “Okay.” *starts scanning*

Customer: “…”

Me: *still scanning*

Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!” *runs out*

Me: “?!”


This story is part of our Halloween roundup!

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Time To Move The Bodies In The Backyard

, , | Right | April 23, 2008

Dog Owner: “Yeah, my Golden Retriever keeps bringing things back to me. Do you know why?”

Trainer: “Well, ma’am, what’s the second word in the breed’s name?”

Owner: “Uh… retriever?”

Trainer: “That would be why.”


This story is part of our Golden Retriever roundup!

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She Also Has A Cape That Lets Her Fly

, , | Right | April 22, 2008

(We have a female customer who is a regular but definitely has some kind of mental issues. On every visit to our branch she also uses the safe deposit box.)

Customer: “Excuse me, there’s something wrong with my safe deposit box.”

Me: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. What is the problem so we can rectify it for you?”

Customer: “Every time I visit my safe deposit box I find things that I never put there. Someone has been taking things in and out of my box!”

Me: “I assure you that this is not possible because every box requires two keys in order to open. You have one side and the bank retains the other. Only you have the issued keys.”

Customer: “I know you are lying. I know you have a key that opens very box because one time a friend of mine gave me a key to the city and I went around opening all the doors.”

Me: “Okay… I’m going to have to refer you to my manager.”

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Fat, Dumb Fingers

, , | Right | April 22, 2008

(I was sitting at home watching TV. My phone number ends with, let’s say, -1269. The phone number for the bakery ends with -1296. I am constantly getting called by people who think I’m that bakery.)

Me: “Hello?”

Dude: “I need the bakery.”

Me: “I think you have the wrong number.”

Dude: “Oh, sorry.”

(He hangs up. Brief pause. Phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Same Dude: “Can I get the bakery?”

Me: “You have the wrong number.”

(Dude hangs up. Phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Same Dude: “I need the bakery.”

Me: “I think you should check the number… I don’t have a bakery department.”

Same Dude: “Well, you did this morning!”

Me: “I meant I’m not [bakery]. I’m just a person sitting at home.”

(Dude hangs up. Phone rings AGAIN. I glance skeptically at it and finally go over. I don’t say anything.)

Same Dude: “Hello?”

Me: *click*

(He called eight more times that evening. Eventually, I just told him we were closed.)

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When All Else Fails, Use Big Words

, , , , , , | Right | April 22, 2008

(I had a call from an elderly client who was having issues with her satellite receiver. After troubleshooting the issue as much as we possibly could I informed the customer that I’d need to send out a new receiver.)

Me: “Okay, so we’ll simply ship that out. I can overnight that and have it to you first thing tomorrow morning.”

Customer: “Tomorrow!? I need it RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “I understand where you’re coming from, but there’s no way for me to possibly do that.”

Customer: “HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE SEVENTY YEARS OLD AND CONFINED TO YOUR HOUSE WHERE YOUR ONLY SOURCE OF ENTERTAINMENT IS THE TV!?”

Me: “I do apologize for your current plight, but unfortunately we currently lack the technology to transmogrify things through space and time. With that in mind, we are, unfortunately, required to use the most current means of shipping. That being FedEx. Would you like that at nine in the morning or ten?”

Customer: *after a brief pause* “Ten. Thank you.”

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