(I am a doctor at a GP. I’m rather unconventional for a doctor, with tattoos and piercings. Almost everyone is fine with it after meeting me, but it does sometimes spook some newer patients.)

Me: *walking into the lobby* “[Patient]?”

(Everyone quickly glances, but no one responds.)

Me: “I’m ready to see [Patient]?”

(Again, no one. I go back into my office and wait for a short while to see if they arrive. After 20 minutes I move on. I step out of my office and hear a woman shouting.)

Patient: “I’ve been waiting! This is my first appointment.”

Receptionist: “He didn’t call you?”

Patient: “No!”

Me: “What’s the name? I could maybe squeeze you in. I’ve had a no show.”

(The patient turns and recoils at my appearance, muttering “disgusting” under her breath.)

Receptionist: “It’s [Patient].”

Me: “Ah, you were my no show.”

Patient: *agog* “He can’t be a doctor!”

Receptionist: “He actually opened [GP].”

Patient: “But just look at him! F****** horrid! You look like a junkie! I want to see someone else!”

Elderly Patient: “Good! I guess it’s my turn, then!”

(The elderly patient makes her way past me when the other patient speaks up.)

Patient: “You aren’t serious! He’ll probably stick heroin in you or something! It’s f****** disgusting! Those stretched ears!”

Elderly Patient: “Shut up! I have lived long enough to know that the time and effort someone puts into their schooling is more important than the colours and holes they put in themselves, and if you can’t see that then I pity you. Dr. [My Name], come on. This hip is killing me.”

(The patient decided to make another appointment on a day I wasn’t working and is still with us. She is forced to see me regularly now, though, as her son has started suffering from asthma, and I’m the most experienced handling the condition. He likes to ask me lots of questions about my appearance and sometimes tries to pull on my ears when I’m not looking. His mum practically faints whenever he tries, and when finished sprints to the hand sanitiser, using so much of it she gets sticky, before sprinting out of the GP altogether.)

(I volunteer at a local community theater as a stagehand. It’s opening night, and I arrive early to help set-up and check that the special effects are in order. We finish with enough time before the house opens, so I run down the street for a quick snack from a restaurant. There’s a fair number of people in there, most of whom are regulars for the theater. I say hello and remind everyone of the show times and dates. As I’m leaving I catch the attention of a couple near the door.)

Me: “Hiya, folks! Going to see the show tonight?”

Man: “Yep, we got our tickets and everything. It starts at 7:30, right?”

Me: “Yep, that’s right! You’ve plenty of time before it starts.”

Woman: “I have to go home and shower first!”

(I stand slightly in shock, not sure how to react.)

Man: *acting as if this is ordinary* “Yeah, we just got off work. Thought we’d grab a bit rather than go home, cook, shower, then come back. So once we’re done, we’ll go home, shower up, and come back. You did say it was 7:30, right?”

Me: “Er… yes, 7:30. I… I hope you enjoy yourselves.”

Woman: “We will! Just gotta go home and shower; get all my nooks and crannies clean!”

(I beat a hasty retreat after that. And everyone wonders why no one strikes up conversations with people you meet in public anymore!)

Me: “…and the last four numbers on your card?”

Customer: *stares at card* “There’s five.”

Me: *smiles* “I just need the last four.”

Customer: “But there’s five. There are five numbers there.”

Me: “…may I see your card?”

(I work at a discount retail outlet and our store is having a closeout sale. During our sale employees have lost their 20% discount at this location as the entire purchase for everyone is 20% off. While the chain is staying in business, corporate has decided to shut down our location. I have a family in line with a total of four carts filled to the brim.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “My number is [Employee ID].”

Me: “Oh, miss, I’m sorry, but our store is no longer accepting employee discounts because everything is already 20% off.”

Customer: “Uhm… what?”

Me: “Everything is 20% off; you don’t need to give me your discount ID.”

Customer: “No, I know your store is going out of business; I work at your [Other City] location and I want to get my employee discount here.”

Me: “Well, I guess you weren’t informed but because of our close out sale we are not allowed to do employee discounts anymore.”

Customer: “There is no employee appreciation here?! How? How is that possible?! We have all this stuff because I was expecting to get my employee discount! Let me speak to your manager! This is ridiculous! Shameful.”

(I call my manager up and she won’t let me start ringing anything up. At least they were the only customers in the store.)

Manager: “Hi, how can I help you?”

(The customer goes on about how it’s ridiculous that we don’t offer an employee appreciation discount then comes back up to my counter to talk to her family.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, everybody, but they won’t budge. If it was at my store my manager would just let it go to reduce all the go-backs. But they won’t budge.”

(She keeps going on about how we won’t budge on her discount. Finally, I have had it.)

Me: “Okay, you need to stop talking.”

(The group looks at me in shock.)

Me: “How long have you been a part of the company?”

Customer: “Two months.”

Me: “Okay, let me tell you how this company works. During your first six months the store manager is forced by the district manager to be insanely strict with their employees because it’s the company’s policy to fire new hires to keep wages low. I don’t agree with it, but it is what it is. We know your store manager, [Name], and he’s a nice guy. My manager is on the phone with him right now talking about your behavior because I remember you; you always come to this store to pull off multiple money saving techniques that we don’t even let our regular customers get away with let alone our employees. I’ve been cooperative with you in the past for the sake of getting you out of here but now your store manager is being informed.”

Customer: “All I wanted was for you to use my employee discount!”

Me: “All you’re asking for me to do is for me to lose my job sooner than later because you want to save a couple dollars. If I use an employee discount on top of the already set discount, our district manager will see it and I will be fired. It’s already bad enough that we don’t know if we will have jobs in January but it is even worse that your self-centered narcissism toward this entire situation is being thrown on us as if we are the bad guys. You don’t care if I have a job; I don’t care if you have a job. Either you quit complaining and put every single item back on the shelf where it belongs or you purchase every item that you have here for the same 20% off that every single person gets. Otherwise you will no longer have a job with this company and I’ll see to it personally that our district manager knows about your attitude and how it’s shameful to the company.”

(She pays for everything.)

Me: “Okay. Now it’s needless to say that you’re no longer welcome in our store.”

(The whole family walked out, shocked at what just happened.)

(I work overnights at a 24-hour pharmacy/convenience store. We sell a little bit of everything. A little after midnight, a man comes walking in looking a little flustered and walks right up to the register where I’m standing.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Man: “Yeah, um… I bought this and when I opened it, it was empty.”

(He shows me a box that’s supposed to contain a female stimulant cream. I’d seen these before, since I also face the entire store throughout the night, and despite the box’s size, the tube inside is tiny and hardly weighs a thing.)

Me: “Oh, let me check with the manager.”

Manager: “Yeah, go ahead and let him grab a new one. Someone probably stole it and left the empty box there. It’s so light you wouldn’t be able to tell.”

(Manager walks away while I process the transaction.)

Me: “Okay, here you go. Have a good night.”

Man: “I’m trying! It hasn’t been going well so far!”