(I normally work as a shelver or circulation aide, but as some people have called in, I’m on loan to the computer lab.)

Patron: “Hi, can we make copies here?”

Me: “Yes, of course. The copier is right over there. just scan your library card and put in your pin, then pay the vending machine. If you have any problems, go ahead and call me over.”

Patron: “You can make color copies, too, right?”

Me: “Yes. Black and white are 10 cents, color are 50 cents. Just choose the ‘color’ option on the menu.”

Patron: “Ok, thanks!”

(A few minutes later, I hear muttered curses and hisses coming from that direction. Turning, I notice the patron looking frustrated and staring from one page to another, but as she hasn’t called for help, I’m not allowed to leave the desk. Another few minutes later, the patron comes back.)

Patron: “Excuse me, but the color printing is not working.”

Me: “Oh? I’m sorry. Maybe it ran out of ink? Let me go check on that.” *as I walk over to the copier* “Did it charge you the 50 cents per page? I can get you a refund for that.”

Patron: “Yes, it did. This is what came out.” *she hands me a heavy packet of black and white copies. At 50 cents each, I am alarmed. That’s going to be a big refund, and I would probably get in trouble because the copier ran out of ink and I didn’t notice*

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. You know what, let me just check out the ink cartridge and change it out, and then we’ll get you set up with your color copies. You won’t have to pay twice.”

Patron: *huffs* “Thank you.”

(As I open the copier, however, I notice that not only are the color cartridges not empty, they’re almost full. Now really worried, I grab a ‘Library Hours’ advert from the stand nearby and set it to color copy using the employee account. The copy comes out in full color, no problem. Now I’m more confused than worried, but I still continue.)

Me: “Ma’am, could you please lend me the paper you were trying to make copies of? I’ll go ahead and do them for you.”

Patron: “Okay, here.” *hands me a black and white paper folded in half*

Me: Uh, ma’am, I think you gave me a copy accidentally. Could I have the original, please? So I can make the color copies?

Patron: “That is the original.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Patron: “I want to color copy that. It’s supposed to have the heading in dark green, the body in red, the times in navy blue, and the background a nice yellow. That’s why I asked if you could do color copies here.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, you set that on a computer before you print it out.”

Patron: “I know! I did! I set it up at home, but since I don’t have a color printer, I printed it out and brought it here to color copy it. My friend told me the library did color copies! I need those for a meeting in an hour!”

Me: “Um, once you print it out black-and-white you can’t just color copy it. Any copy you make will be in the same black and white. You need to print in color to copy in color.”

Patron: “Oh, really? I didn’t know that…”

Me: “…”

(I get a live transfer from an Internet repair level-one agent who sends us tickets to test and troubleshoot some technical stuff with the customer. The level-one agent advises me that the customer has a defective Internet modem. Keep in mind, it’s three pm and the techs only work till five pm in her town.)

Me: “Hi, I’m told you have a defective modem?”

Customer: *impatience already in her voice* “Yeah, I need a new one today!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, our policy is to send you one in the mail. Can I verify your mailing address?”

Customer: “What? No! I need you to send a technician to my house today to change my modem for me. I had this problem at my office and they came to fix it the same day! I need it TODAY!”

Me: “How long has your Internet been down? I can have a modem to you in two days.”

Customer: “You listen here! I’ve had no service for five days and because nobody has come to fix it yet, I have to call and waste my time talking to you. Now, I want my Internet working TODAY! Never mind; transfer me to someone else that can help me.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. My manager can also arrange a modem to be mailed out.”

(I hit transfer before she continued to yell at me and told the story to my boss before transferring… Guess what? He mailed her a modem!)

(I work for in customer service for the cable company in a relatively small city. Our office is located in the town’s only mall. While it makes shopping after work very convenient, it can lead to other problems. I have been sidelined by up to 30 minutes in other stores by customers who “just have one question” about their service, technical issue, etc. This happens as I am grocery shopping after work one day. Sadly, I’ve had to make it my regular response:)

Grocery Shopper: *seeing my uniform shirt* “Hey, you work at [Cable Company]?”

Me: “Not right now, I don’t.”

Me: “Hi, [Client]! How are you today?”

Client: “I’m good. I just need to tinkle.”

Me: “Okay… Well, the restroom is through the salon and just past the shampoo bowls.”

Client: “Thanks! I’m going to think of you!” *walks away*

Me: *to coworker* “Please tell me she didn’t just say what I think she did.”

(I work at a bank that’s open seven days a week and very rarely closes, even in terrible weather. We closed for one day because of a bad storm; even the governor had called a state of emergency. This is the day after closing.)

Me: “Hi, sir, how’s it going today? Just the deposit?”

Customer: “It would be going much better if you didn’t close yesterday!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Unfortunately the weather did not permit us to open.”

Customer: “Well, it’s too bad for you, then! I had to drive ALL THE WAY to [Different Bank 5 minutes away] to deposit my $300,000 check. You guys will NEVER see a penny of that!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, sir. Was there anything else I could help you with today?”

Customer: “NO! Next time, don’t close! I’ve been a customer for 20 years and you MADE me go somewhere else.”

(At this point I’m just agitated that we’ve finished the transaction, there’s a line forming, and he won’t shut up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What would you like me to do? I have no power over the weather. I’m sorry to hear you risked your life driving to deposit that check. Next time I’ll ask Mother Nature to stop snowing so we can open just for you.”

Customer: “YOU BETTER MAKE IT STOP SNOWING!”

(And with that, he left. By far the strangest conversation I’ve had with someone while working there. The next customer tried to cheer me up by jokingly telling me they were taking their business elsewhere because we closed during a major snowstorm!)