(I work for a large company producing strategic board and tabletop games. We often get new releases or rules updates and expansions to existing games. Whenever we get new rule books, we reserve one for customers as a view copy. Therefore, we can’t sell it directly, but we can place an order for our customer, so he can pick up his copy in our store a week later or get it delivered home. This happens shortly after the release of a new expansion on a Saturday.)

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take it.”

Me: “All right, let me just place an order for you and your copy will arrive next week. Will you pick it up or should we deliver it to your home address?”

Customer: “No, I’m just taking that one.” *points to our view copy*

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t sell you this one, since the company demands that every store always has a view copy for customers to browse in. Still, if I place your order today, your copy will arrive around Wednesday.”

Customer: *after a moment of silence* “Guess I’ll just order myself from home, then.”

Me: “You’re free to do that, but as a suggestion: placing the order via our store helps us as store employees, since corporate only sees it as our sale if you place it directly here.”

Customer: “Well, maybe I don’t want to help you people preventing me from buying the book I want!”

Me: “So, you’ll gladly give your money to the corporate that prohibits us from selling you the book, but deny to help the folks who try to give you a solution?”

Customer: *after another moment of silence* “That’s pretty stupid, isn’t it?” *pauses* “Anyway, I’ll do it. I’m angry and someone has to suffer for it.”

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(I work in the back of the store with the animals and answer questions that customers have about their pets. Part of my job is catching crickets (small or large) for customers to feed to their reptiles. I had just finished talking to them about some of the other animals that we carry as a little bit of chit chat before asking what I could help them with.)

Customer #1: “Yes, I would like…” *she pauses to think for a moment* “…six large crickets, please.”

Customer #2: “Oh, are you getting those for [Lizard]?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, I figure I’m getting treats for all the other animals, I shouldn’t leave him out.” *she then turns to me* “Hey, at what age are bearded dragons too old for crickets?”

(I look at her dumbstruck for a moment but quickly recover and inform her as quickly and thoroughly as I can that they are omnivores which means they NEED both meat and plant matter throughout their entire lives.)

Customer #1: “Oh. Well, what happens when they don’t get crickets?”

Me: “Well, if they don’t receive any sort of insects with their diet they won’t be as healthy because they’re lacking the majority of the protein that they should be eating.”

Customer #1: “Well, he must not be very healthy then, because he hasn’t had crickets in like… six months.”

Customer #2: “Uhh… did you want to get him more than those six then?”

Me: “It might not be a bad idea, just so you have some on hand and can help him start getting the protein levels up.”

Customer #1: “Nah, I think he’ll be fine.”

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(It’s a slow day at the cash register when an elderly man and his grandson walk up to the counter. The grandfather gives their order but then notices the rainbow bracelet on my wrist as I go to take their payment.)

Grandpa: “Are you gay, son?”

(He points derisively at the bracelet.)

Me: “Yes, I am, but I’m not ashamed and—”

Grandpa: “Good God, they let you people touch food?”

Me: “Sir—”

Grandpa: “Don’t you ‘sir’ me, you f****** [homosexual slur]!”

Me: “That was uncalled for.”

Grandpa: “What’s uncalled for is you trying to turn my grandson gay.”

Me: “I assure you, sir, that’s not—”

Grandpa: “Back in my day we had values. Now there’s a [slur] as our president and [slur]s touching our food. This is why America is going down the s***er, because [slur]s like you think it’s cool to be a f****** [slur].”

Me: *biting my tongue* “Would you like to speak with my manager?”

Grandpa: “Yeah, I would! And I’ll ask him what sort of idiot he is for hiring a [slur] like you”

(My manager is a woman. She comes over.)

Manager: “What’s the problem here?”

Grandpa: “Your employee’s a [slur].”

Manager: *matter-of-factly* “Yes, he is.”

Grandpa: “This is a family restaurant. You can’t have [slur]s working here!”

Manager: “I can, and I do. But you’re right, sir, this is a family restaurant. As a result, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

(Grandpa stands there stunned, and the whole time the poor kid looks like he’s about to cry.)

Manager: “Your grandson is still welcome as he’s not the problem, but you aren’t allowed back in here. Have a good day.”

(Baffled and so angry he couldn’t speak, the grandpa dragged the boy out by his arm.)

(I work in at my store’s customer service desk dealing with returns, voids, complaints, and other issues. Sometimes our cashiers will ring up a second of an item by accident and not know about it; therefore, I have to refund the product’s cost. However, this lady has a special case, and she isn’t going to take no for an answer easily.)

Me: “Hi there, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Yes. I came here a few days ago and purchased, among other things, two gift cards for these restaurants. I was charged for three, though, and only purchased two.”

(Every gift card is different, like a bank card, and each one has a different number. It is impossible to accidentally ring up two of the same gift card, as our register will show an error saying the card has already been activated. By habit, our cashiers also put all gift cards into a little paper bag to keep them together.)

Me: “Are you sure you didn’t misplace the card or lose it?”

Customer: “No. I only purchased two, and was charged for three. I want my money back.”

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but a gift card can’t be accidentally charged to an order twice. The only was this would have been rung up was if you handed her a third gift card.”

(I proceed to show her on the receipt where the third gift card is and that the last four digits are completely different, as a receipt shows the last four of the card number.)

Customer: “I don’t think you’re understanding me. I didn’t purchase three cards, and I want my money back! That’s fifty dollars of mine!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t give you a refund. This card was purchased on this date with this debit card.”

(After more of this back and forth, I leave them to go and check the camera footage from that day with my manager. We see the cashier ring up three separate cards and put them in said paper bag. I go back out to the customer. My manager is with me this time.)

Me: “Ma’am, we just checked the camera footage from that day and see the cashier ringing up three separate cards on the order, put into a bag, and handed directly to you. After which, you put the bag in your purse and leave.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I don’t have the card! I want my money back, and I want to see this footage.”

Manager: “Certainly, follow me.”

(I stay at the desk to take care of other customers, but when all is said and done, twenty minutes later and the customer is gone, my manager comes back to me.)

Me: “How’d that turn out? She didn’t come back here to get a refund.”

Manager: “We showed her the footage, and she admitted that the cashier rang up three cards, but denied receiving them all. She said she wanted her money back again, and when I said no, she stated that she couldn’t afford to lose $50. I stated that we couldn’t just give her the $50, or afford it either. Her response was, ‘Well, you can afford to lose it a lot more than me.’ She said she was gonna call corporate.”

Me: “Maybe, but I don’t think she could be that ignorant….”

(We heard word the next week she called and tried to coerce them to fire me and get a refund. My manager and I had nice laugh at this.)

(It’s Friday closing time at my agency when the phone rings. I pick up the phone and greet the wife of an important client; a high-tech local firm CEO, who inquired about the arrival time in Paris of her husband’s flight from New York. I get the info for which she thanks me before saying goodbye. Not a minute later, the phone rings again:)

Caller: “I’m terribly sorry; I forgot to mention he traveled first class. I thought perhaps…”

Me: “Same arrival time, madam!”