One Word: Leave

Our manager is from Northern England. They were a manager for a bookstore there, and they now hold a similar job over here in the USA. Their management style when it comes to dealing with problem customers is “unique” for the country that coined the phrase, “The customer is always right.”

We have a book on our “recommended reading” pile called “The Satanic Verses” by Salman Rushdie. One of our older customers sees this, and without even picking it up, she marches over to our customer service desk and demands a manager. Our aforementioned manager heads over.

Customer: “You have a book on your shelves about Satan!”

Manager: “Probably.”

Customer: “I am offended!”

Manager: “So?”

The customer pauses for a second, trying to figure out why this statement isn’t resulting in her immediately being showered in attempts of appeasement and desperate bids to keep her business.

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘So?’ I am offended!”

Manager: “And?”

Customer: “You need to do something about it!”

Manager: “Why?”

Customer: “Because… well… I am offended!“

Manager: “I’m failing to understand why that’s my problem.”

Customer: “I am offended by something in your store! That makes it your problem!”

Manager: “Why?”

Customer: “Stop that!”

Manager: “Stop what?”

Customer: “Those annoying one-word answers!”

Manager: “They’ll stop when you give me a problem worth more than a one-word response.”

Customer: “I am offended by these books you have on display, and you need to have them removed!”

Manager: “Why?”

Customer: “Because I am offended!”

Manager: “So?”

Customer: “Uuuuuurgh! I don’t know how things work where you come from, but in America, if a customer is offended, you need to fix it!”

Manager: “It doesn’t matter where I come from. If you’re offended by something, then walk away. Your being offended is fine, but not when you act like it’s a personal attack against you. Oh, my God, imagine walking around thinking everything offensive in life is a personal attack. How arrogant.”

Customer: “It’s a personal attack against Christian values!”

Manager: “No, it’s not, but your complaints are a personal attack against my sanity. Don’t like the books we sell? Solution’s simple: leave.”

The customer sputters a bit more but does eventually leave. My manager then turns to me at the desk with a “We done here?” kind of look.

Me: “Welcome to America!”

The customer complained to corporate, and of course, corporate sent a regional manager to talk to our manager. The regional manager left frustrated and our manager left unscathed, probably because his one-word answers call out corporate BS as much as they do that of customers!

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