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Will Somebody Please Think Of The Pr0n

, , | Right | October 14, 2008

Me: “Hello, [Computers]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my computer has a ton of viruses. I was told I need a complete wipe. Can you guys do that?”

Me: “Yes, we can, sir. Can I just ask why you think your computer needs a full wipe?”

Customer: “Yeah, well, my son was looking at p*rn a few days ago, and now it won’t work at all. That’s why I’d like my computer wiped.”

Me: “All right, then, sir. You can bring in your computer anytime today. I just want to ask if there’s any files you want us to save before you do.”

Customer: “Yeah, can you save my p*rn?”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Customer: “Can you save my p*rn?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we can definitely save all your… files. We just aren’t able to move any programs over unless you have the CD.”

Customer: “No, I have all the CD’s. I’ll do it all myself. I just want to know if you can save my p*rn.”

Me: “Yes, sir, we can save all your files. Word documents, JPEGs–”

Customer: “–and my p*rn.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Great. I’ll bring it in this afternoon.” *click*

(Fortunately, he never came in.)

Go MacGuyver Go

, , , | Right | October 14, 2008

(I work at a bulk food store, where prices are given on the bins for 100 grams, and 1 pound of the product.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this weighing in pounds? The sign had it in pounds!”

Me: “The signs have it in both pounds and grams, and since Canada uses the metric system, we weigh according to kilograms.”

Customer: “Kilograms are not grams!”

Me: “Grams go into kilograms, sir.”

Customer: “No, they don’t! I am the customer, and I want this scale to weigh in pounds!”

(Note that this is a scale only weighs in kilograms, with ‘kg’ painted on permanently next to the display.)

Me: “That’s impossible, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s not; it’s what I want. I work with computers. I can change this.”

Me: “You do that…”

This story is part of our Metric System roundup!

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Too Much Of A Good Thing

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2008

Customer: “Where is your manager?”

Me: “Sir, what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “These cones are the problem. There are too many.”

Me: “You bought too many cones?”

Customer: “Kid, read this for me. That box says twelve cones, right? Well, I bought it for my daughter’s birthday party yesterday and opened it up to find fourteen cones. That’s false advertising! I could sue your a** off for doing that. Now get me the god-d*** manager!”

Me: “Sir, please accept my sincerest apologies for any inconvenience you may have suffered.”

(I open the box, remove two cones, and hand it back to him.)

Customer: *muttering* “A man’s got to get his money’s worth…”

Same Disgusting Difference

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2008

Customer: “I need to return these bladder control pads. They won’t work for me.”

Me: “Sorry, you can no longer return anything of that nature to this store.”

Customer: “Why?!”

Me: “Not only has it been opened, but you used a pad and put it back in the package.”

Customer: “I didn’t use it! I only tried it on!”

What. The. F***.

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2008

(I work in a deli, and the new girl gets a call about party trays; she hands the phone to me.)

Me: “Okay, sir. Sorry about the wait. Do you know which tray you want?”

Male Caller: “I just need some information about party trays.”

Me: “All right, what would you like to know?”

Male Caller: “How many should I order for a bachelorette party with eight women for six hours? They’re hiring me to be the entertainment, and they’re paying me $300 to be a garbage disposal. They said they’ll go out and get more if I don’t bring enough. Would you?”

Me: “Would I… What?”

Male Caller: “If you were paying me $300 to be the entertainment and garbage disposal, how long do you think it would last? I want to know what I’m in for. They’re gonna put me in a dress and makeup and tie me up and feed me the leftovers to see how much I can hold. Would you?”

Me: “No, I wouldn’t. Sir… I–”

Male Caller: “No, if you were paying me $300 to be entertainment and the garbage disposal and put me in a dress and tie me up so I couldn’t get out… They’re going to pay me a $150 dollar bonus to take a vacuum cleaner and hook it up to me and vacuum. I want to know what I’m in for.”

Me: “Sir, with all due respect–”

Male Caller: “Would you?”

Me: “Let me transfer you to my manager. He might be able to help you.”

Male Caller: *click*