(I work in a rather well known nickel arcade in Portland. Most of our games give out tickets which guests can redeem for prizes. We count these tickets by weight using a scale. A customer approaches my co-worker at our counter with her family; three young children.)

Coworker: “Hi there! All set to count your tickets?”

(Her children nod; all are very polite and well behaved.)

Customer: “You know, I don’t like that you count tickets by weight like that: I don’t trust that scale.”

Me: “We get that a lot ma’am; the scale is very accurate, and we round up just in case.”

Customer: “Yeah, but you always crumple the tickets up more when there’s more of them. That makes them weigh more.”

Coworker: “I’m not sure I understand.”

Customer: “The tickets weigh more when they’re all smooshed together than when they’re all loose!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, weight doesn’t work like that.”

Customer: “Yes it does! It’s like when you take a cotton ball and dip it in water, and then it weighs more!”

Me: “Ma’am, it weighs more because the cotton ball absorbs the water.”

Coworker: “If you took a brick and weighed it, and then smashed it to pieces and weighed all the pieces, it would weigh the same.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make— oh, whatever!” *to her children* “Just pick some d*** prizes!”

(I am a female cleaning the men’s washroom at a movie theatre. I have a large ‘closed for cleaning’ sign posted on the door. A male customer enters.)

Me: “Hi, sorry, I’m just cleaning at the moment—”

Customer: “That’s okay.”

Me: “I’ve opened the wheelchair accessible washroom across the hall. You can—”

Customer: “No, no, it’s fine.”

(He goes to a urinal and begins to unzip his fly. Admitting defeat, I begin to leave.)

Customer: “Please, I don’t want to put you out. You can go ahead and clean.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not going to stay in here while you’re using the urinal.”

Customer: “Why? I really don’t mind.”

Me: “I do.”

Customer: “Why?”

Weekly Roundup: Tech Support Classics, Part 4. This week, we feature part four in our ongoing series of Tech Support-themed roundups. Also checkout Parts 1, 2, and 3!

1. Time To Call A Plumber (4,857 thumbs up)
2. Four Words: Bow, Chicka, Bow and Bow (6,992 thumbs up)
3. Needs To Chill Out (1,822 thumbs up)
4. Save It On A Flesh Drive (1,938 thumbs up)
5. PEBCAK, Episode VI (1,653 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Professor: “The people in Looking Backwards wouldn’t say things like, ‘Only good people drive Cadillacs.'”

Student: “If you’ve ever been stuck behind an Escalade, you know that’s not true anyway.”

(Our class is studying the ocean. We start off the unit by brainstorming all things we associate with the ocean while the teacher writes them on the board.)

Student #1: “Whales!”

Teacher: “Good, good, keep going.”

Student #2: “Kayaks!”

Teacher: “Excellent! What a great word!”

(She writes “kayak” on the board as K-Y-A-C-K.)

Me: “Miss [teacher’s name], isn’t “kayak” spelled K-A-Y-A-K?”

Teacher: “No, that’s not right.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure it is.”

Teacher: *gives me a dirty look* “Look it up in the dictionary while we continue.”

(I find ‘kayak’ in the dictionary, take it up to her, and point out the correct spelling. The teacher avoids looking at me as she responds.)

Teacher: “Hmph. Well that’s a funny way to spell it.”

(She erases ‘kyack’ and replaces it with ‘kayak’ and continues asking for more words. She never did apologize to me for telling me I was wrong!)